When I was in the 5th grade, my best friend was Cosmo Mattaragas. His “yaya” lived with his stereotypical Greek family in a three bedroom apartment.

The men had exposed chest hair, rocked gold chains and rings, smoked Parliament’s, constantly worked on the black Monte Carlo outside, ran a pizza shop, loved AC/DC, and would grab their significant other by the hair if she ever got out of pocket.

Back to his yaya. She was a vile woman. Hunched over, aged 75 but didn’t look a day under 102, four teeth in her mouth, and a scowl that makes Robert Parish look like the Gerber Baby. She almost had a heart attack the day I first step foot in her house. She cried…pleaded with Cosmo to make me leave. She insisted I don’t sit at the kitchen table to eat, or else she would have to burn the kitchen table and chairs. Cosmo explained that most Greeks fresh from the motherland are pretty racist. After that, I used to have fun with that old bitch. When Cosmo would leave the room, I would pull a Yamaka out of my pocket, put it on my head, and do an African tribal dance around her. A black Jew in this racist old hag’s personal space must have taken years off her hateful life. 

Having that early insight of where Greeks stand with original man, I always looked at them sideways.

I respect their imprint on history. They gave us Greek sex, and made anal sex an acceptable mode of socialization, particularly amongst  men.  Respect due. 

Memories of that miserable old rice-pudding eating bitch hit me yesterday as I heard news of Greek Olympian Voula Papachristou getting booted from her squad because of a racist tweet she thought was humorous. She tweeted:

“With so many Africans in Greece… At least the West Nile mosquitoes will eat home made food!!!”

Greek officials said they kicked her off the team in order to respect Olympic values of humanity.

Bullshit. Fact is, Greece is so broke, they need corporate sponsors to fund their Olympic program. If Colonel Sanders doesn’t agree with that tweet, no soccer balls for you malakas.

Regardless, I’m glad that dumb bitch is shamed on the world stage, and rots in hell with Cosmo’s racist grandmother…but Jesus…


Voula Papachristou Picture


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