Sleezy Of The Week 009: My Tribute To Wasted Pushups
More often than not, many of the greatest contributions to human society displayed on the internet are overlooked. Pioneers of human ingenuity, many of our fellow Americans work toward that white hot spotlight by putting their bodies through a torturous array of self-mockery and deprecation so severe in blatant disregard for common sense that a trained psychiatric eye could potentially broker a publishing deal if they were allowed to treat some of these individuals. Most of the time, mainstream America pays no attention to these superstars, I’m guessing because the internet is a vast resource for tomfoolery and it’s hard to congratulate one individual while thousands are waiting in the wings to do what was just done and to do it better. It is true that while many succeed in the quick cash-grab of attention whoring, thousands fail.
While many of these internet attention whores are simply trying to get their page views up, some of the greatest talent the planet has to offer remain so dedicated to their craft, that even the possibility of serious health endangerment or even death, means nothing to their overall quest to document their personal deeply troubled goal.
Meet Sam. A future internet superstar who blogs regularly on streetbonersandtvcarnage.com. Like many humans looking for that slice of the “wtf” spotlight, his troubled goal is simple; to see how many push-ups he can do while high on various illegal (and legal) narcotics. He calls the series, Wasted Pushups.
Sam began his quest on a warm day this past September. His first video was essentially “the control”. He wanted to see how many pushups he could complete while high on life (22 if you’re interested). He immediately followed this video with footage of him throwing back Absinthe and PBR (the nectar of the hipster gods).
A week of recovery later, Sam was back at it. This time mixing cocaine, pot, booze, and a little bit of that oh-so-sweet salvia.
The following week, Sam (who is the son of some poor woman somewhere in this world), blew a few lines of heroin and gave a living will to the camera. With the very real possibility of death looming in his heavily intoxicated brain cells, Sam showed his first signs of true fear during the course of his heinous experiment. In his commentary following the video being posted Sam described the events: “It was only getting worse and my heart was beating really fast, so I came back to my apartment to make a will and die. I made my will, but just puked and passed out instead of dying. My roommate came in and was mortified.” Ultimately, Sam just wanted to assure his parents that the website on which he was documenting his ghastly quest would not be held libel in a court of law for his self-malicious actions.
In case you were wondering, Sam did just one pushup on Heroin.
And just when you thought the series would peak with a near heroin overdose, Sam continued with crack, then two bottles of cough syrup, some poppers, some mushrooms and nitrous, ecstasy, and appears to have concluded with simply “hangover” pushups (this week’s Wasted Pushups was just a rather well written piece about some dude needing to take Viagra to fuck his wife).
So the point of this article is to ultimately salute our current favorite internet hero: Sam the Wasted Pushups Guy! And to prove that yes, there are lives you have touched out there by poisoning your body with horrific chemicals and horrendously engaging in strenuous physical activities. We love watching your slow cries for help play out in a public fashion, and let’s hope that when you do finally die, the cameras are rolling so that we can all enjoy it together.