I love this song. If there was ever a movie about ON&ON‘s life as a scooter riding Craig’s List casanova/blog superstar/DJ, this would be perfect for the trailer.

For this one, substitute ON&ON’s life for Knife or Trees. Trailer–done.

Speaking of which, when are we gonna throw this on pic on a tee the kids can buy?

Best step yo blog game up cousin.

SpaceGhostPurrp – Tha Black God

Western Tink Feat. Main Attrakionz & Shady Blaze – That Lyfe

WE STEADY LEANIN’ JTTS ALL DAY

How bout some standard nerd rap videos from nerd rappers as well.. and a horrible new Prodigy video… (after the jump)

Quelle Chris – Jock Sin Six (Crazy fucking video)

Uh.. Grandaddy I.U. still alive making videos…?!

Stu Bangas on the track…

Prodigy (No Homo) on a horrible new record. HNIC 3 is shaping up to be terrible.

He just dropped a new music video.. This one is for the club.

The O.G. (April) classic. 1.8 Million Views.
Every lyric is a hip hop quotable.

You’ve never heard of scopolamine. It’s synthesized from plants and looks exactly like cocaine. But this is some next level shit that’ll turn you into an insane zombie and probably kill you. It’s hard to call scopolamine a drug in the usual sense of the word. Nobody’s going to pass this shit around at a house party. Criminals will use it to steal all of your worldly possessions, Nazis used it for interrogations, the CIA tested it as truth serum, and indigenous Colombian royalty would have their families coerced into being buried alive under the influence of the stuff. Wait 6 months and kheds in Quincy will be all over this shit.

.

 .

the “nasty” song was heavy and this “don” song is tuff  BUT we all stand that chance of getting amped for the cd only to then run home to open it or illegally download it and start skipping track after track cuz the other 12 songs blow….

i hope he stays on point cuz i’m starting to loose it w/ the abundance of shit rap thats coming out

bout to fix the flux capacitor if you know what i mean

Well…another whirlwind romance has slipped through my fingers like the Celts’ game 5 loss vs. the Hawks.

I’m at the park with my alleged son last Sunday in Fields Corner. He’s holdin it down playing tag with a bunch of Cambodian kids with rat tails by the swings, so I decide to dip across the street real quick and cop some vodka and juice to ease the sting of this thing they call life. I walk by a non descript yt caravan, and hear a raspy voice in a hoodrat twang say, “Hi Daaaavid.” I look in the buggy, and there she is. Tova fucking Robinson.

I was a 17 year old junior, and she was a 20 year old senior at West Roxbury High. She took two years off cuz she had a kid at 15.

I pulled her largely due to my prowess as point guard for Thee Westie Raiders.

Tova reaped all the physical benefits of the slave trade. Her body was savory. In one word, she was slavory. She had the banginnest body in the history of  Boston Public Schools. Wesley Snipes complexion. Thighs like Vinny Johnson. Haircut… like Anita Baker.

We dated hard for two weeks. I’d pick Tova and her daughter up in my mother’s Ford Granada and take them out to eat on Route 1. Our romance ended when her baby daddy took a nutty and threw a rock through her bedroom window while I was giving her the business.

I told her we should take some time off.

Translation: I’m a light-skinned fgt who aint tryin to deal with your Ike Turner ass choice of a sperm donor. I”m off this.

The next day in school, some chick stepped to Tova in the cafeteria. Within seconds, Tova was sitting on said chick’s chest while methodically banging her head on the floor and slappin holy fire out the trick. I never saw her again. I figured she either got suspended, or got jail time. What a God damn body. Brick shit house.

So boom. There we are sipping Vodka Snapple’s in the van while our kids play in the park. She tells me her son’s name is “Denver”…because it’s a presidents name. One day he will be president. Oh boy.

We exchange numbers, and agree to meet at my place later that night. She comes through, we puff a blizz, get Henned up, and start talking religion. As she’s quoting scriptures and describing the chariot that gawd will send for her when she dies, I think to myself, “I could wife this chick.” The things that come out of her mouth are so entertaining, I could envision signing up for a life of teaching Yung Denver how to throw a knuckle ball in the yard while my muscular Baptist wife chefs up some Shake N’ Bake in the kitchen.

Here’s a snippet of the convo:

“Jesus is my Lord and Saviour, and the sooner you accept him…”

“You ever watch Curb Your Enthusiasm?”

“What’s that?”

“Larry David…the Seinfeld guy…he does this thing about Christians shoving their shit down everyones throat.”

“I’m just sharing the truth with you…”

“Lobster! Everyone eat lobster! Hey, nice to meet you, want some lobster? Hey everybody! Eat the lobster or you’ll all die!”

“What are you talking about David?”

“Substitute lobster for Jesus. That’s how Jews hear you with the Jesus thing all the time. Lobster lobster lobster…Hungry? No? Try some lobster anyways! Hi how are ya, take off your jacket…before you sit down, have you tried the lobster?”

“Where’s your bathroom David?”

“That was Larry David’s shtick…with the lobster.”

“His whuh?

“His shtick.” You know…shtick!”

“Whatever, where’s your bathroom?”

Tova and I are two peas in a fucking pod.

Ying and yang. It just works. The fly on the wall thinks he’s in the middle of a sitcom starring Remy Ma and Woody Allen as a married couple. Magical banter ensues throughout the night, and at one point we realize it’s 3A.M.

“David I ain’t gonna lie, I’m fucked up right now and I need to get some rest for work tomorrow. Plus I gotta put Denver on the school bus in the morning.”

“If you and I decide to have a kid…could we name it North Dakota?”

“So set your alarm for 7am…and we ain’t fuckin, so be easy and go to sleep.”

So sure enough, 20 minutes later we’re fuckin. Here’s where I start to see some red flags.

1.) She doesn’t acknowledge the size of my third leg. Not a single comment. Never happened to me before. Even when I arrived in the delivery room, my mother tells me the story of all the nurses lining up bed-side on their knees. Perhaps she’s  more faded than she appears to be.

2.) As I’m voraciously pumping away, I decide to let her know who’se boss. I grab her neck and stick two fingers in her mouth. She freaks out. She wildly jerks her neck and spits out my fingers. She is not to be tamed.

3.) Here’s the kicker. While on some missionary shit, I go in for a kiss. Again, she wildly moves her head to avoid kissing at all costs. WTF??? I pull a bitch move and find myself asking a question I’ve never asked before. “You don’t wanna kiss me?” She tells me kissing is very personal for her, and she doesn’t do it with just anyone.

Let’s review. We just reunited hours ago, and here she is in my bed porking me raw at 3 AM…but kissing me is an absurd notion. She’s inside my head. I’m second guessing myself left and right. After another hour of power penetration, I bust and we fall asleep. The alarm goes off, and I notice that my neck is mad sore. I get up to check shit out in the mirror. Two hickeys.

“FUUUUUUCK!”

“What happenned?”

“You gave me fucking hickeys? Who does that!!!! I gotta go to work! Fuck is the matter with you!”

“Hahahaha! I can’t help it if you’re so light. You’re the lightest dude I ever been with!”

“You never dated a white boy?”

“Remember Paul Bower in high school? He picked me up once in his dad’s purple Seville and took me out. At the end of the night he asked me for a kiss. I said “Paul! I can’t kiss you…you’re whiiiiite!”

She’s an intriguing woman. Her only inter-racial experience took place 20 years ago and involved reminding a yt that he was a yt. I let the hickeys slide and made a mental note to add her branding me as a 4th red flag.

“David, I need to put my son on the school bus in 20 minutes, I need a ride.”

“How’d you get here last night?”

“I walked.”

“From Blue Hill Ave?!?”

“Yeah, I like to excercise. I walk 2 miles every night.”

“You walk two miles in the hood every night for excercise? Do you also carry a sign saying “Rape Me, Please?”

Tova says nothing and pulls a .38 out of her jacket.

“Ain’t nobody fuckin with me, David.”

That settles it. I’m in love.

I get dressed and bring her out back to the garage. I open the door, and there she is. Maxine.

“What’s this?”

“That’s Maxine.”

“Stop fuckin with me, David.”

“80 miles to the gallon…I’m downtown in 25 minutes…you go to Vietnam…everyone has one…whole families on these shits!”

“Who the fuck drives a scooter! What’s wrong with you!!!”

“Who the fuck gives grown men hickeys?”

“I aint got time to fuck witchu…hurry up.”

I know I can pull this off, since I got some practice the previous Sunday with a Columbia Road prostitute in the rain.

Off we go, pushin 25 mph on Cummins Highway. She can’t stop laughing and exclaiming how crazy I am.

Later that day I retell the story to my man Nodoz. He’s deeply concerned about the kissing thing. He tells me that no man should ever fuck with a chick that refuses to kiss. Danger. I then realize that Tova has two Alpha males gossipping about kissing on the phone. Holy shit. Epiphany. She detests men, and is on some femdom shit. She wants me to be her bitch. I’m familiar with her breed, but this is unchartered waters for me.

Couple nights later, Tova announces that she wants to go on a date. Cool, I really dig this chick and I’m sure a night of ambiance and appetizers will score me a God damn kiss. By the time she comes over, it’s 11:30pm and our options are limited. I decide we’re gonna go to LTK (Legal Test Kitchen) by the waterfront. Late night menu, drinks, and the ocean. Bow down bitch. We get outside, and I’m intent on us hopping on Maxine.

“Uh-uh boo boo…not tonight.”

“I ain’t riding in your passenger seat – I’m not that guy.”

“Well shit, you drive then.”

“Fine.”

I don’t have a license and haven’t driven an automobile in 5 years. This chick needs to recognize who the man is though. I got this.

We’re on our way, and I’m doing just fine. One arm out the window, one hand at 12 oclock…I’m a don. A car pulls up and tells us the tire is low. Fucking great. I don’t know the first thing about fixing anything, but I can handle putting some air in a tire. I pull into the gas station by the air machine, get out, put the quarters in, and bring the hose towards the car. I notice she’s laughing her ass off and pointing at me. I look down, to the right, to the left, behind me…what the fuck is so funny?

“You gonna clean my car, too, David?”

Jesus Christ. I’m standing there holding the vacuum hose. Wrong machine. She gathers herself, jumps out the car, grabs the air hose, and pumps up the tire. She’s doing it. Applying the panties on me one leg at a time.

We get to the restaurant, and enter a case study of hood chicks in the real world. I’m blown away.

The bartender asks if we’d like some drinks.

“I want something fruity, whatchu got!”

Here we go.

“Um…well…we do a pomegranite infused Martini with a hint of kiwi and lime which is delicious, or Sergio makes a great Sangria with a Meditteranean twist…”

I can almost see the smoke seeping out of her ears.

“Umm…what was the first one?”

“The pomegranite, kiwi martini?”

“You got anything with strawberries?”

I interject.

“Give her a glass of Four Loko on the rocks…she won’t know the difference.”

“Ooooh, they have that?!?”

Christ.

“I’ll have a vodka tonic, and she’ll have a strawberry daquiri. Thanks.”

She orders the $32 Macaroni & Cheese Lobster Truffle dish … Not for the lobster – only because she’s in the mood for Mac & Cheese. She criticizes it to death because it comes nowhere close to her grandmas Mac & Cheese. $75 later, I remind myself why prostitutes agree with me. For the same dough I could have made myself Mac & Cheese and tea-bagged a runaway 19 year old with a donkey of an ass.

We get back to my place, and we’re back to live action. Only this time, she makes a big speech about why I need to wear a condom. She was drizzed last time and wasn’t thinking straight. She informs me how fertile she is, and what we did was irresponsible and reckless.

So 20 minutes later, I’m fuckin her raw, and I go in for a kiss. Again, she dodges me at all costs.

“You gotta be kidding me, what’s with the kissing!”

“David, I never learned how to kiss, and I feel funny about it.”

She rolls me over, hops on top, and starts riding me like the Underground Railroad. What a site! A glistening chocolate  brick shit house. I swear I’m fucking a member of the U.S. and A female track team.

I find myself on some Nick Fury superhero shit in a bind. Gotta….keep…composure…must….not…be….her….bitch.

I overpower her, and get back on top.

She immediately responds by slapping me three times real quick on the ass.

Violation.

I grab her head with two hands and forcefully kiss her. She pulls my hands off her and plays with my nipples. I get off her and attempt to shove my dick in her mouth. She pushes me back, spreads her legs, and frantically plays with herself – eyes closed.

She claims she just had an orgasm.

I can’t win.

As I’m brushing my teeth for the night, I notice two more hickeys.

I don’t have the strength to lodge a complaint at the moment. I will live to see another day of battle.

Next day, I head to Nodoz’s crib to watch my Boston Celtics display why they are men amongst mortals. His girl and roommate are kickin it in the kitchen. I walk in, and hear a collective “Daaaaaamn! What the fuck is that shit on your neck!!!”

I recount the red flags and explain these are my 3rd and 4th hickeys of the week. They all agree. She’s either downright crazy, or intent on making me her bitch.  Just then, Tova shoots me a text.

I want to see you tonight

This is where I impose my will on her. I must win.

Come over and suck my dick tonight

How about I come over and sit on your face while you jerk off

The peanut gallery in the kitchen loved that one. I’m being laughed at.

You better get a white boy for that shit. I lay down pipe and get my shit sucked. You must have me confused

Well played.

You ARE my white boy (;

The kitchen erupts.

Doz chimes in. So you mean she won’t kiss you, slapped your ass, and said you’re her white boy??? Bwaaahhhaaa! You need to just stop homey!

…And so I did.

I gave it the old college try. I was ready to abandon a life of irresponsible whoring for a black queen and a step-son named Denver. Fucked around and tried my hand at love with a closeted bull-dyke-stud.

I learned a valuable lesson here. Tova was right. Kissing is intimate. There’s a little bitch deep down inside all of us men that yearns for true love’s kiss.

[See post to listen to audio]

Received @ 2 AM last night..

Offers me the job,  than demands Alfredo’s #, then offers it back to me.. then disses the god.

AND FUCK U I CAN BRAG ABOUT IT..

RZZZZARECTAHHH!!!

Amazing dude.. down to earth and intelligent. Exactly how I thought he would be.

Personal rap hero of mine.

#wutang

We get it.
You are the 99%
Big banks sucks..
They got bailed out, you got sold out..
blah blah blah blah…

Los Angeles – 5 Million…

NYC – 17 million

Oakland 3.7 million

Boston 1.5 million

the list goes on…

ZERO TANGIBLE RESULTS.

Please, Stop.

Just stop.

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