Redhead Chicks: Let’s Discuss

Wednesday, May 15th, 2013

So I’m watching Game Of Thrones with Pretty Ricky the other night (Don’t ask), and redhead bitch after redhead bitch appears on the show.

Pretty Ricky says, “I don’t fuck with yt bitches like that…but there’s something about them redhead bitches that’s so fuckin sexy.”

I was appalled.

There’s nothing more off-putting to me than the idea of a wet, redheaded clit. Gag.

The idea of eating a pussy that looks like it’s been soaked in period blood for days is right up there with Ms. Melody sitting on my face after a 2 mile jog in skin tight jeans.

They’re pale, sickly, carnies who belong in a circus freak show. Redheads are like cats. They obviously are inherently evil, and have Bealzebub on speed dial.

On top of all that, I’m convinced redheads have some sort of history of in-breeding in their ancestral past.

That’s my stance on things…where do you weigh in?

Redheads chicks…you fucks with them?


Thoughts On The Marathon Bombing / Chris Faraone Article

Tuesday, April 16th, 2013

Yesterday, I posted some smart ass shit minutes after the bombs went off. I learned later of the 8 year old boy from Dorchester murdered and took it down.

Shit sucks.

Life, and civil liberties will change in Boston.

Weird as fuck seeing five military dudes holding machine guns standing outside my work building.

This shit has been happening around the world…children have been massacred…men with machine guns watch civilians going to work every day.

But when it’s in America….in your own backyard. Shit pisses you off. The kid that was killed lived 5 minutes from where my son lives. He hugged his dad and returned to his mother. Horrible.

Chris Faraone was blocks away from the explosions, and wrote the current cover story on DigBoston.com. Peep it:

By: Chris Faraone

BOSTON APRIL 15, 2013. AROUND 3PM.

I’m bumping a medley of classic Biggie and some underground funk, strolling down Newbury Street with an obnoxious bop in my step and a noggin full of hip-hop. It’s almost 3 p.m., and I’m headed to a pair of Patriot’s Day parties—one in a friend’s office that’s right above the Boston Marathon finish line, and another in a nearby restaurant on Boylston Street across from the Public Library. I’m a broke local reporter, but there are fringe benefits to being in the media around here, the sexiest of which involve smorgasbords on occasions like Marathon Monday.

Those who know the annual routine suggest that anyone who hopes to get a barstool arrives downtown before noon. I’m hours late to the festivities though, and just hoping to squeeze past the insanity to where complimentary foodstuffs could be found. I strategically exit the Red Line train at Park Street—even though friends told me to roll the Green to the Arlington stop, closer to where the runners bring it home and spread their arms wide as volunteers wrap them in foil. I know a better way to walk to Copley Square—through Boston Common—and so I take a detour.

The so-called elite runners and many others have already finished, and lots of them are strolling through the Public Garden. I’m thinking about how they’re less out of breath from hoofing 26-plus miles than I am from walking swiftly for a few minutes. I can’t believe how easy this scrum is to navigate. Despite the commotion, I’m making good time. And then a teenage girl walks by, bawling, with an older woman guarding her closely. She’s not the only one sobbing.

My music is interrupted by an incoming call beeping away. It’s my roommate in Jamaica Plain.

“What the fuck is going on? Are you down there?”

My earbuds are unplugged. What’s my roommate taking about? Why are people crying? Did I hear a boom? Two booms? A bang?

If something is out of whack, then why are the folks over there having a good time? Maybe they’re looking for a bar. I am too. Why the hell is my phone all jammed up? Fuck! Maybe if I can get to where my friends are, they’ll have some clue about what’s unfolding. Or perhaps a horn that I can use. Screw you T-Mobile!

Is something serious going on? It can’t be. Why won’t the cops let me off of Newbury Street, and to where the free beverages are? I’m starving. One more block and I’m home free—this could be a world record for bypassing marathon foot traffic. So close that I can taste the IPA.

I’m firing off tweets because I don’t know what else to do. I could use a drink, but I’m not about to fetch one. Maybe later, but for now the guy standing next to me in a black and gold marathon jacket says that he smelled gun powder. GUN POWDER! He was right there, as were the high school girls who are screaming at a young photographer:

“They bombed our friend - and you’re doing WHAT? Erase it!”

I’m shaking. Someone says the marathon is cancelled. Police begin to clear the area. One cop explains why we have to leave: ‘There are secondary devices that have been found!’

Boston being Boston, I run into more than half-a-dozen friends and fellow reporters within minutes of shit smacking the fan. There’s a former intern of mine who is live-streaming. Then comes another media friend, followed by a national blogger, and a Herald cat. All reporters on the scene—just a block from the explosions—are pooling info. It’s clear that this is some sort of terrorist attack, and we all start asking questions, checking for the bad guys around corners. Emergency responders are on ladders in the alley behind Boylston Street, helping people evacuate restaurants through second-story windows.

I’m the only one among my friends with juice left in their smart phone. An alphabet soup of authorities—ATF, FBI, you name it—is forcing everybody back to Commonwealth Ave. anyway, so we retreat into a tapas joint named Lola for some beer and electricity.

There’s already a small posse at the bar, so my crew grabs a table in the rear and plugs in. Governor Deval Patrick is on television; he’s just blocks away at some hotel, but strict police barriers made it seemingly impossible to get there. That’s fine. The story is right here. And why is that woman still wearing a chicken hat? Take that shit off.

One asshole is particularly hammered; “It’s gonna be like 9/11 all over again,” she belches, her North Shore brogue oozing stupidity. “They’re gonna tell us to just sit in our apartments and not do shit about it.” I ignore her for a few minutes, and instead pay attention to a large man in a tight, bright yellow track jacket who I’m certain is an undercover cop. He’s offering to help people return to their hotels. That’s when a radio producer from New Zealand rings my cell phone and asks for an interview. I oblige:

“I guess that I can talk to you. But to be honest, I don’t really know what the hell happened.”

To read Chris’ entire story, click here.

 


How To Avoid Paying Taxes…Mooove, Bitch.

Thursday, April 11th, 2013

Three dreaded events happen next week.

1. The Boston Marathon invades downtown Boston and the MBTA. It’s a Kenyan national holiday. It’s a royal pain in the ass for me.

2.) My birthday (which I share with Redman and Russell Simmons) arrives, meaning I’m a step closer to arriving at an age where I have no business blogging on a hip hop site.

3.) Taxes are due. Better have your health insurance on point, or it’s an $800 hit. While the government doles out thousands of dollars to my baby mammas for the kids I made with them, I don’t receive a cent. Instead, I anxiously await a $500 Visa Netspend card from TurboTax that I will end up spending on my fucking kids.  FML.

I can’t control the Boston Marathon, or growing older, but perhaps I can do something about my paychecks being ransacked by the government every week, only to receive some fuck you money in appreciation. They take $10,000…I get $500 back.

I’m off this.

I found a few places I can move to in order to escape this form of legalized extortion.

(more…)


Lil Debbie x Ratchets [ Video ]

Sunday, April 7th, 2013

As we patiently wait for raps great female yt hope to finally arrive, we’ll have to settle for Lil Debbie, who delivers a video worth watching just on the strength of the juiciest chocolate morsels you’ve seen thus far.


Why I’m The Pessimistic Bastard You Know Me As

Thursday, April 4th, 2013

The woman who raised me has shaped my outlook on life.

My mother sent me this unprompted email minutes ago:

You are killing yourself and killing your kids.

I am reading how the antibiotics industry now has most of its sales not to hospitals and doctors but to animal farms, cattle raisers, bib agribusiness companies.
Cows, pigs, and all other edible animals are being given so many antibiotics that superbugs like MRSA, staph infections, even a simple strep throat can kill you in two days.
The New York Times has been following this but they have not printed their story, yet, it is a story now in its scale, the country is in a huge mess,
It’s not the meat itself that will give you cancer, it’s the fact you are stupid if you refuse to recognize that you are eating meat in America, where antibiotics, chemicals, are killing you.
Good luck if you laugh this off.
Yesterday, I enthusiastically shot her an email letting her know I’m one step away from getting my drivers license. Having full knowledge of my 10 year ordeal, her response was:
One more step into the Museum of Worries.
Insurance, payments, bad drivers, tempers, hours lost when you could be reading The Economist or talking to a camp that teaches children how to program. I hate driving and I hate cars.


Freshman 2013

Friday, March 29th, 2013

Here is the 2013 list.

Somehow Action Bronson is a freshman? Didn’t he drop like 2 years ago?

Also – is that not the gayest picture of Chief Keef you have ever seen?


The Legendary DJ Scratch at the next Fresh Produce

Friday, March 29th, 2013

Stayed tuned for an exclusive JTTS interview…


They Broke Up On Twitter, They Made Up On MTV…My Childhood Rap Heroes Are Now Boy Band Divas.

Saturday, March 23rd, 2013

These two geniuses address their well publicized, self induced break up. Havoc claims he’s known Prodigy more than he’s been alive, and Havoc says they have a “strange relationship”, further fanning the flames of rumors he’s a flame.

Masters of making street music. Living it irl? Not so much.


What Rapper Compared Having Fulfilling Sex To Experiencing Mozart On His Dick?

Thursday, March 21st, 2013

Harmony Korinne, Director of Springbreakers, recounted a story about Gucci Mane on the set of what looks like the worst film ever made.
It involves Gucci shooting a real life sex scene with a chick.

“They sent me a clip of this girl walking across the room with three or four Coke cans on her ass, and we cast her, based on that video…
In his entourage, everybody smokes weed from the beginning of the day to the end,” explained Korine.

“So we’re inside this house in St. Petersburg, and the fucking weed smoke was so insane and Gucci was basically catatonic. I was like, ‘Gucci, you’ve got to have sex with this chick now!’” How did he receive the news? “He wanted her to ride him so he wouldn’t have to do any physical labor.“
For a while, that worked. “So we’re shooting the sequence, and as he is getting fucked, I start to hear snores,” said Korine.

“He had literally passed out! And she was riding his dick the whole time. I’d never in my life filmed a sex scene where the dude was sleeping … and she was on top of him for a good 45 minutes.”
And yes, that’s the take that made it into the film.

Laughed Korine: “At the end, he woke up and was like, ‘I feel real nice. I feel like Mozart’s on my dick.’ And that was it, and he went back to sleep.“


No Endz No Skinz

Tuesday, March 19th, 2013

So Tiger Woods has a new girlfriend…

But still the same ex-wife…

Who has a new boyfriend…

Meanwhile, back in Boston…

Life’s a bitch.


DATE A CHICK FOR A WHILE….

Friday, February 22nd, 2013

Everything out of her mouth starts sounding like this to me….


The 10 Most Pivotal Moments In Hip Hop History

Friday, February 8th, 2013

1. 1887

The turntable is invented

(more…)


MOBB DEEP REUNITES AFTER HAVOC CALLS PRODIGY A SNITCHING FGT. WTF?

Wednesday, February 6th, 2013

Lesson learned…don’t air out your personal problems with your band-mate to the world, when at the end of the day, you have to pay your bills.

These two goombas need each other to make a living. What was Havoc thinking? Havoc needs P’s rap prowess, and P needs Hav’s beats and o.g. status.

Anyways, these two geniuses announced their reunion, and plans to tour the world, marking Mobb’s 20 year anniversary.

They will be on the Paid Dues Tour this summer.

Spoiler Alert: They will split up again after the third show on Paid Dues with Havoc hurling accusations of faggotry and drug use.