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I am just tearing shit up lately..

LINK

LINK

GET ON MY LEVEL ON & ON

#GETONMYLVLONANDON

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A lot of people been wondering about my landscaping and how it turned out..

Well here are the results..

BEFORE:

AFTER:

U SEE DAT.. WHITE FLOWER. YAYO TREE MUHFUKKA.

This rain helped spread the fertilizer and took care of watering for the next week. The ivy is gonna spread like a rash on ON&ON’s ass. I got a landscaper.

In other news about myself..

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To America’s parents who keep your daughters wholesome, drug free, and sober…you’re on the wrong track. Anyone with a yung yt daughter should make sure they know what being faded feels like by 15. If this pilgrim was wet mode for the first time in my presence, consider her food. I’d have her singin Miley Cyrus joints with 9 inches of Black Ashkenazi in her mouth.

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Today started like any other…

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Won both my fantasy league .. and my football pool.

$800 in winnings total.

Christmas = paid for.

Giants will beat the Cowboys Sunday night.. and will eventually beat Green Bay to go on to the Superbowl to face the Patriots in a rematch of 2007.

Nothing major.. oh wait,  actually it’s fucking major as hell.

There’s so many motherfuckers that make Get On Down what it is .. that I feel guilty about the way this article was written. When the time is right, the rest of the players will be revealed and they will get their much deserved shine. For now, I will gladly hog the spotlight.

Also – this will probably be the first and last time I toot my own horn about Get On Down on JTTS. My peoples know what’s up. This site allows me to excise my demons, Get On Down is for suit and tie music nerd Robert Reilly. They can coexist only within the confines of my own mind, body, and soul.

Follow us facebook.com/getondown for info.

this drops next Tuesday.

I’m giving away a copy.

To win – all you have to do is identify the following Karmaloop models. Whoever can positively identify the most will win – I will be fact checking all your entries via Facebook friend requests, late night phone calls to their houses/apts, and possibly straight good ol’ fashioned stalking.

UPDATE: For fear of legal action, click below to see how to win:

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more like sleezy of the Year right here.

Are you fucking kidding me? Let’s pretend for a split second that this chick isn’t loving every second of this and is a victim of the internet: This is the most evil shit ever. Gawker feigns a sympathy piece yet posts up all the pictures in the masthead and exposes this victim to their legions of readers. I swear I never heard of this chick until this Gawker story. Now I’m googling the shit out of her so I can see the larger images.

Shouts to Angie Varona. Really smart of you to go on the very same internet that “exposed” you and add fuel to the fire.

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listen .. it’s 2011. if you ain’t getting laid .. it’s on you.

Seriously it’s so fucking easy to find pussy in 2011 it almost makes me angry. Remember how when you were in high school and girls used to say shit like “why is okay for a guy to sleep with like 10 girls, but if a girl does it she is called a whore or a slut“. Guess what. No one calls these girls whores / sluts anymore. They call them normal. I can trip into pussy in any bar in Allston right now. I mean, if you have the slightest twinge of game you can get laid in 2011.

anyway.. where am I going with this? Hear me out..

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mourn u till i join u my dude.

So a few weeks ago I received an email out of the blue..

Salam,my name is laila mohd faisal,i am presently in Uk, My father is from (sabah) Malaysia and my mum from UK,i will be coming to Malaysia for my Vacation soon.i want us to be close before i come to Malaysia so that you can show me around Malaysia when i visit.please feel free to write me ,so we can get to know our self more. hope to hear from you,, my email is lailafaisal@xxxx.co.uk

I had no idea what the fuck this was, naturally I thought it was spam.. so I played along.

“hi!” – was all I replied.

two days later.. I received this:

Am so happy to hear back from you. I want to get to know you better and also for you to get to know me better…My full name are laila modh faisal, I am mixed Malaysian ,my father is Malaysia and my mother is from england… I speak very very little Malay… lol i was born here and lived in London all my life…loll…i am so looking forward to visit Malaysia very soon ..omg.. I have never been there…i feel so happy am coming to my father’s land…haaaa…i want to know me better….am single…28 years old….I live in regent street. I am a professional system analyst…that I studied in college….but you see….my parents are so rich…they are company shareholders
here…living in old Trafford….they bought so many bank shares for me that pays me now so much

She also included some pictures..

I must say, she is fucking weird looking.. and I’m ultimately kind of creeped out by her appearance.. Anyway, whenever someone mentions money in an email I am trained to think that of course – this is a scam. So I continued to play along for my own enjoyment and for the lulz.

“That’s great news. I too have very rich parents and I’m looking for a way to spend some of my money. You are very beautiful. Can we arrange a meeting ? I write for a prominent weekly newspaper here in Boston. Sometimes I dabble in women, but primarily I am into servicing older men. What are your thoughts on that?

- Christopher F.”

A few days later.. another response.

hello baby ..actually i live and work in the UK and my father is from Sabah a state in Malaysia but since i was born i have never been there that is why i have chosen to come over and see how Malaysia looks like, and i don’t no anybody in Malaysia because i have never been there, and i went through your profile and chose a man of your kind that i will be with when’ ever am there ,because i don’t no anybody in Malaysia you are the only one that i no ,and you have to show me around when am there because i will be coming by next month i will stay for 2months i hope you will have a enough time for me .i will give you a call so that you will come and pick me at the airport ok…i will be waiting to read from you thanks hummm kissssssssssssss here is my mobile number +447031899562 you can call me anytime

So.. she “went through” my “profile”. Strange. Did someone sign Jumptheturnstyle@gmail.com up for some Malaysian dating site?

and again, two more creepy ass photos:

Either way.. I found this part the most hilarious; ‘i will give you a call so that you will come and pick me at the airport ok…’ Fuck. Now this bitch wants a ride in Malaysia. She’s actually interested in me.. I responded:

“you are very sexy. have you ever been with a man before? I would like to take you out to dinner, and pardon me if I am moving to fast – but I would love to make love to you. I will be very gentle. You can stay in my villa. I will also pick you up at the airport. Can you send me a sexy photo?

- Chris”

And again, another response from her with two more creepy ass photos:

baby you are so sweet……….am finally so happy that i meet a nice man….u capture my every thought…..i want to have your pictures on my laptop ….if you don’t mind to send me more pictures of you to my email…..i will be more than happy to look at them everyday and night …..you are so sweet man…and its rare….i would like to invest in a lucrative place, and it depends on what i will invest on that is why i need your help to tell me what exactly i can invest on, maybe both of us can invest together. then about the house i also need you to tell me which state is very cool for me to buy the house a very conducive environment.

check my various pictures i sent to you,,. ..I hope you like them dear…..haaaaa….one thing you should know more about me is that I am a very honest and modest lady…hope you like that..i speak very little Malay too…
i will be on my computer waiting to read again from you…your sweet words and assuring too….thank you so much…am so glad i meet you…
take care now… my number +447031899562 please call me

At this point, I’m wondering what the endgame is.

I do my best to reply to this .. because, lets be honest.. I have no idea what the fuck is going on here. Is this real? Am I being trolled? Is this a scam? Am I stringing along some fucking retard half malay/half snaggletoof prude brit into thinking she has found the malaysian man of her dreams?

“your various pictures are so sexy. i’m embarrassed to admit that I masturbated to them often over the course of the weekend. Especially on mothers day. That is a special holiday here in America. Can I please maybe see an extra picture of you? Maybe of you naked or blowing me a kiss while naked on a rug. I’ve attached a sweet generous picture of my captivating smile and my body. i will write about you and your life for my american newspaper of which i am an esteemed author. do you like american music? Like Slaine or Ape and Uno?

what do you think of my picture. I want to call you. I can’t wait to see you at the airport. What day are you coming? I can’t wait to invest with you!!!

- Chris”

And I attach this gem.

Today I received the latest and strangest response.. (along with two more creep pics)

honey and only sweetheart , how are you doing today love? baby….it was so wonderful to read your email knowing that you care so much about me….I LOVE YOU SO MUCH honey ….thank you so much for coming into my life……i have never been this happy before…..you are such a wonderful caring lover that i want to be with….Baby…mmmm. .I want to surprise you my

love…..I want to send you a very nice gift as an appreciation for our relationship…to show you how much I love you and how happy you make me…..you are about to receive a wonderful package from me.. dear. .i felt like flying down to Malaysia because every time I read your email….lovely tears stroll down my eyes……….I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABY

So here we are.

How do I respond?

I mean, every single fiber of my being wants to see what the contents of this “wonderful package” is. How do I receive this package without giving out my address? Where can I have this mailed? Am I in danger or am I putting someone else in danger by having it shipped somewhere else? Is that mail fraud?

Help me out JTTS! She is waiting for my reply..