JTTS Lists: A Glimpse At Greatness That Never Was…

Tuesday, December 3rd, 2013

JTTS is a WordPress #based blog. Our back end (pause) is cluttered with poasts that were started and abandoned. WordPress calls them “Drafts”.

Today I was glancing through our “drafts” folder and I realized that there are several hundred poasts in there. Ideas that at one point had the opportunity to be the next “FUCK COMCAST” or even the next “K-I-S-S-I-N-G“.

These long forgotten ideas will remain a mystery to us all.. but I’ve sifted through much of the bullshit to present to you:

The Top Nine JTTS Poasts That Never Were.

 

AFTER THE JUMP….

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JTTS @ 5: Our First Poast by Chris Faraone

Monday, March 25th, 2013

Reliving the classic first ever JTTS poast.

It’s pretty much stayed tru to the format for the last 4.7 years.

Five yurr anniversary coming up reeeeaal soon.

Here is teh poast from @Fara1 aka Faraoney. A JTTS Founder. Now deceased.

 

Before landing my first article in Spin, the highlight of my writing career was in third grade when I won the P.S. 32 poetry prize for a piece called “Winter Is…” In honor of my dominating the mid-eighties Queens public school literary scene, and in wanting to communicate to readers of our new blog what will be delivered all day every day on Jump The TurnStyle, I thought it was appropriate to un-vault the classic elementary school ellipsis format and add a little twist. This one is dedicated to Mr. Wilhelm, all the lunch ladies whose butter crunch cookies got me through my early school days, and the marijuana that enables me to dive into my stream of consciousness.

Jump The TurnStyle Is…

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JTTS ANNOUNCES: TOP 10 JEWS OF ALL TIME

Thursday, February 9th, 2012

10.) Tie: Amare Stoudemire/Shyne – Both recent converts.
9.) MC Serch – Gave us Nas.
8.) Jesus Of Nazareth – Founded a bullshit ass religion. They made mad cake though.
7.) Albert Einstein – That dood.
6.) Sigmund Freud – Made it socially acceptable to talk about your mothers pussy.
5.) Kosha Dills -

4.) Andre Tippett – Wikipedia that shit.
3.) Al Pacino – Yeah that’s right, Tony Montana is Jooish.
2.) Lenny Kravitz – Up to his yamaka in pussy.
And the number 1 Joo Of All Time…..
1.)

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JTTS Bloggarz : Where Are They Now? Ep1: The Dance

Thursday, January 19th, 2012

Unfortunately, no one is quite sure where Dan, “The Dance” is.. I have not seen or heard from The Dance in roughly three years. As you remember, our last encounter took place in beautiful Miami beach, where an unemployed Trees (and his vices) added thousands of dollars of credit card debt to his namesake – in a cry for help scenario that no one could have seen coming.

You remember this video recap:

The Dance & SLZ TRZ Infest Miami : Another JumpTheTurnstyle.com Visual from sleezy trees on Vimeo.

Those were the fucking days man. I was a crisp 27 years old and in the prime of my life.

But enough about me, let’s focus on the Dan at hand..

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JTTS Presents: Reasons Why Hip-Hop Was Alive in 2011- SHIT GOT WEIRD

Monday, January 9th, 2012

Editor’s Note: This was supposed to go up back when our blog was doing the year end rap up lists.. it was obviously delayed due to confusion on my part. Fuck it. I wrote it, so I’m going to poast it.

SHIT GOT WEIRD

For the last few years we’ve had to deal with cookie cutter street rappers, cookie cutter weed rappers, cookie cutter southern rappers, the whole “street wear rap” movement. That shit was fucking boring as hell. Blogs were feeding us dudes like Drake, Mickey Factz, Charles Hamilton, B.O.B. I mean, for the love of god, those artists are downright terrible and boring. They brought NOTHING new. And yes, it has been well documented that hip hop has more or less been dead since 2006 – I know I’ve pretty much hated everything that has come out in the last five years. They are why. I mean, let’s be honest – shit sucked.

Well dudes. I am happy to say that In 2011, that ol’ weird shit started flowing again and not for nothing; “RAP IS BACK!”™

I always heard that poverty breeds creativity and for the most part I believe it. People don’t want to hear that flossy ass rap anymore. Motherfuckers in real life can’t fucking pay their credit card bills right now. They want music that will make them forget about their troubles, not be reminded about them all the time. They want entertainment, they want escapism, they want characters. 2011 gave them a shitload.

Death Grips meth rap, Lil’ B borderline homosexuality, Tyler eating cockroaches and hanging himself in videos, Action Bronson stealing my look, Danny Brown’s haircut, Mr Muthafuckin’ eXquire’s whole shit … yeah, it is fucking pretty weird right now. And that’s good, it’s keeping me entertained.

In a lot of ways this 2011 weird shit kinda reminds me of the early 90s when I was seeing something new – with the Wu-Tangs, Native Tongues, the BCC’s, west coast g funk etc. It also reminds me of the late 90s emergence of the Def Jux’s, Rhymesayers, and Stones Throws… The subject matter is completely open and the creativity is flowing. The status quo is smashed to shit right now.

Shit comes in cycles – and we are standing on the cusp of a new wave of weird ass creativity. This is the new generation that will run the board for the next few years. And yeah, I like the torch bearers that we have out there right now. I am actually checking for new music again in hip hop. There is a weird feeling of enjoyment that I haven’t felt in years (no homo). So yes, 2011 is the year the weirdo took center stage – and saved a dead genre.

“RAP IS BACK!”™

 


JTTS Presents: Reaons Why Hip-Hop Was Alive in 2011- Year of the White Guy

Friday, December 30th, 2011

I don’t take pride in anything I didn’t do on purpose. I’m Italian, but feel no allegiance whatsoever with my fellow big nosed brothers and sisters. In fact there are few things that I despise more than those who take tons of stock in something they had nothing to do with; the sight of sports fans cheering on their home team, or of dumbasses getting shitwrecked for Saint Patrick’s Day like it’s an Irish birthright, makes me ill. That’s why I hate Trees. And Marty, whose Latino identity relies on him watching grown men in short shorts kick balls around a field.

With that said, I was not unhappy to see older white guys – most of whom are quite rotund in the gut like yours truly – dominate hip-hop, at least quality-wise, in 2011. Sure – most Americans still do and will always think that major Caucasian popularity in rap music is limited to the success of Eminem, Vanilla Ice, and the 2 Live Jews (and those assholes from Saturday Night Live who, by the way, aren’t funny). But for those of us who are in the know – a small but exclusive group of which I am the self-proclaimed and undisputed leader and shot-caller – the game at this point has as much pale talent as it does any other kind.

I’m not just talking about in board rooms and behind the boards – as was formerly the case. And this isn’t a sequel to the frat rap fellatio that I delivered in the Boston Phoenix a few weeks ago (though that’s coming soon – I promise). I’m talking about some of the hardest MCs anywhere, who brought the hardest albums this year, which resonated with hardcore fans like me – fans who know what the fuck is up. From Apathy’s epic ‘Honky Kong,‘ to ‘Cats & Dogs’ by Evidence, to the homey Slaine finally officially dropping his ‘World With No Skies’ opus, I’d say 2011 was the best year for white guys since whenever it was that Non-Phixion, the High and Mighty, and El-P stepped on the scene.

Of course much of what I’m saying here relates to Action Bronson. If not for him, the dudes mentioned above, Click Animosity (also a largely Caucasian operation, save for Trust and Hoppie X-Ray), and a handful of others, I wouldn’t have listened to much new hip-hop at all this past year. Bronson was a Nas-send for a lot of heads, his overall flow and content level leagues tighter than any single line that’s ever been uttered by any XXL freshman – plus a voice and cadence needed to get the job done and then some. But for me, his arrival has been extra special, as my similar Queens-bred background enlightens me to both his inside reference humor and general gusto. He’s to me what someone like Sam Adams is for Trees.

So that’s about it – I was impressed with the white man this year. Props are also due for Ill Bill, who made a number of significant cameos, new local beast squad Grey Sky Appeal, and of course Statik Selektah, who produced something like every track for all of the aforementioned MCs. Next year I’ll be listening to a lot more music – even bad music, like the kind that everybody else writes about on this web site – and will no doubt find a whole lot more color in my selections. But in 2011 – the year that Spotify gave me unlimited anywhere access to old favorites like Cappadonna’s ‘The Yin and the Yang’ – I simply didn’t have enough time to operate far outside of my wheelhouse. And as most of you know, I’m a chubby white guy who’s simply too old to dance the Dougie.


JTTS Presents: The Sleezy Trees Collection (2011 Edition)

Friday, December 30th, 2011

Ladies and gentlemen, the Sleezy Trees Collection, featuring 17 original animations and photos from January to December 2011. Presented out of context for your enjoyment.

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Top 5 Skrillex Memes Of 2011

Tuesday, December 27th, 2011

PRETTY STANDARD SKRILLEX MEME STUFF HERE. SOME OF THE CLASSIXXX FROM THIS YEAR OF OUR L†RD.

? ? ?

SO HARD TO CHOOZE JUST FIVE.

? ? ?


Reasons Why Hip-Hop Was Dead in 2011: ON&ON E-Dition

Tuesday, December 27th, 2011

Last week I sent ON&ON the same e-mail I sent everybody else: put together a brief write-up of one reason why hip-hop was dead in 2011 that we can compile for a list. This is what I got back.

Reason 1 Hip Hop Is Feminine

I have no problem with gays…shit, both my sons are mad gay, and so is my mother. What I do have a problem with is my hip hop being gay.

I now realize that when LL wrote Jack The Ripper – it was actually about a guy named Jack who tore Todds’ colon to pieces. Hip Hop is dead due to the proliferation of sweet niggas influencing our future…people like my two gay sons.

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JTTS Presents: 4 Reasons Why Hip Hop Was Dead in 2011

Tuesday, December 27th, 2011

What would bloggers do at the end of the year without a list. We fucking love lists: top albums of the year, best Justin Beiber freestyles, most stalked KarmaLoop model…take just about any possible subject, no matter how mundane, and we’ll find a way to rank them from 1-10. We even have people still commenting with righteous fury about Faraone’s long-abandoned “Top 100 Rappers of All-Time” posts over a year later, like some message board thread that refuses to die.

But in coordinating (no typo) this end-of-the-year post, I had to stop and look around for a minute at the people who have somehow ended up in this internet vortex we call JTTS: Chris Faraone, a man who’s like to make modest titles for himself like “one of the last writers out there who actually cares about music”; JKFGT, a living, breathing internet meme who uploads his soul onto faceless Tumblr accounts twice a week; ON&ON, a man who’s bitterness is the only thing keeping his body functioning; and Sleezy Trees, a man who would proudly argue with anyone about how he either saved or killed hip-hop, depending on what emotional wave he’s riding (and how much he’s been served). Put all these assholes in one blog and you get lists like this: The 5 Reasons Why Hip Hop Was Dead in 2011.

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