With my newfound responsible lifestyle, complete with a doting fiancé and adorable light-skinned children, my life just isn’t as exciting any more. The stories just don’t flow out of me the way they used to.
Who am I kidding? The truth of it is, me and wifey get into some pretty outrageous shit together. She’s on some private shit with her responsible job and all, so I can’t be out here droppin dimes on her.
Like last weekend when I had a panic attack at a Lowell house party filled with semi-pro football players. I was convinced the Boston Bandits were setting us up to tie me in a corner and watch her get used like a Revere Catholic school girl. “If we don’t get out of here now, we never will. We can jump on to the backyard from the porch and make it to the car in 20 seconds. Take your shoes off.”