JTTS @ 5: Our First Poast by Chris Faraone

Reliving the classic first ever JTTS poast.

It’s pretty much stayed tru to the format for the last 4.7 years.

Five yurr anniversary coming up reeeeaal soon.

Here is teh poast from @Fara1 aka Faraoney. A JTTS Founder. Now deceased.

 

Before landing my first article in Spin, the highlight of my writing career was in third grade when I won the P.S. 32 poetry prize for a piece called “Winter Is…” In honor of my dominating the mid-eighties Queens public school literary scene, and in wanting to communicate to readers of our new blog what will be delivered all day every day on Jump The TurnStyle, I thought it was appropriate to un-vault the classic elementary school ellipsis format and add a little twist. This one is dedicated to Mr. Wilhelm, all the lunch ladies whose butter crunch cookies got me through my early school days, and the marijuana that enables me to dive into my stream of consciousness.

Jump The TurnStyle Is…

 

Carrot Top…Top of the Hub…Hub Hip-Hop…Hop Scotch…Scotch Cassette Tapes…Tapes of R. Kelly and Your Cousin…Cousin Larry…Larry the Cable Guy Sucks…Sucker Punches…Punch Buggies…Bugged the Fuck Out…Outsidaz…Daz Dillinger…German Porn…Porn in General…General Electric…Electric Company…Company Flow…Flow Lewis…Lewis Recordings…Record Stores…Store Your Money In Your Dresser…Serato…Tomatoes at the South…South Park…Park Your Car in Harvard Yard…Yard Dogs…Dog Shit…Shit Stains…Inspectah Deck…Deck the Hit…Hitchens…Ensure…Sure Shot…Hot Tits…Titstina the Obtuse Stripper with Eggplant-Sized Implants…Plants That Get You High…High As Fuck…CK One on Your Favorite Guido…Guido Tuxedo…Edo G…G Rap…Rapper Noyd…Noyd From Dominos…Domino from Hiero…Ronin Ro…Round the Way Girl…Girls And In The Bathroom…Omnipotent Records…Records for the People…People Magazine Readers…ERS 88.9@Night…Night Shift…Shiftee…Eek-A-Mouse…Mouse Woman With the Big Cans From the Sixties…Sixty Nines…Nine…Neverland…Land of the Free…Freemurda…Dan the Automator…Torae…Raekwon…Won on Won…Wonder Boys…Boyz n da Hood…Hood Politics…Politics of the Business…Business Never Personal…Personal Journals…Journalistic Concubines…Nestor’s at Bagelland…And One…One Mic…Michael Jordan…Jordan Knight…Knight Rider…Derilect of a Dialect…Ecto Cooler…Ernest Goes To Camp…Camp Sex…Sex For Hire…Irepress…Press Project…Project Move…Move Bitch Get Out the Way…The Way You Move…Move Somethin’…Thin Lizzy…Lizzy Grubman…Man I Need Some Trees…Trees is One Sleazy Guy…Guy Tarara…RA the Rugged Man…Manowar…War – What Is It Good For…Forgetting How Bad Forgetting Sarah Marshall Was…Was Not Was…Wasn’t You Glad I Didn’t Say Banana…Ana Kournikova…Valerie Plame…America Is Run By Crooks…Crooks & Castles…Castles on the Coast With Bitches in the Hot Tub…Tubman Type Underground Hustle…Hustle Simmons…Monster Maker…Maker…Kermit the Frog…OG…G-Rime…Me Generation…Onomotopoeia…Ian Van Zile…Lehane Novels…Elsie the Three-Legged Senior Citizen Cum Dumpster Who Worships Dipset…Seth McFarlane…Lane Bryant Steeze…Zen Truism…Ism…Smack DVD…VD…D-Large…Large Professor…Soren Baker…Ern is Evil…Evil Dead…Dead Presidents…Presidents Day is for Drinking…ING the Company That Sponsors Everything Should Sponsor Jump The TurnStyle…Styles of Beyond…Beyonder…Dershowitz…Witzy the Anorexic Snail…Nail Salons With Names That Were Clearly Imagineered By People Who Don’t Speak English…English Breakfast Tea…Teabagging…Ng the Kid From My High School Whose First Name Had No Vowel…Wellstone and All Other U.S. Senators Who Were Assassinated By Republicans…Answering Machines with the Big Tape…Ape Clothing Lines That Get Played Faster Than Karl Kani…Anisette the Teacher’s Pet…Pet Sounds…Sound Advice…Vice-Versa…Sammy the Bull…Llamas Make Even Better Pets Than Anisette…Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles…Les Paul…Paul Foley…Eye For An Eye…Eyedea…Eames on Law & Order: Criminal Intent…Entertainment Magazine Is For Illiterates…Tes One…New England Clam Chowda…David Axelrod…Rod Stewart Probably Fucked Your Mom in 1967…67 Ralph Lauren…Lauren is How Lauryn Hill Is Probably Supposed To Spell Her Name…Namedropping…Dropping Science…Science Diction…Dictionary.com…Commodore 64…4 Peace…Caesar Haircuts on the Jersey Shore…Ren and Stimpy…Pythagorean Theorem…Remy Martin…Martin Luther King Jr…Jr. Whoppers…Personal Hygeine…Ines is a Pretty Hot Names For a Latin Bitch…Itchy and Scratchy…Hype Williams…Ams Uno…Uno the Prophet…Heterosexuality…Ty Burr…Burren…Rent Conrol Apartments on the Lower East Side…Side Out the Eighties Flick About Volleyball…Ballin in Ways Jim Jones Couldn’t Conceive Of…Office Space…Spaceballs The Flame Thrower…Erstwhile Reasons To End This Entry Before It’s Not Funny Anymore…More Anyway Against Our Better Judgement…Mental Asylums That Bred Cage…Age Ain’t Nothin’ But A Number…Number Nine…Nexis Lexis…Istanbul Not Constantinople…Nople Dople the Heroin-Addicted Papal Prostitute…Tenzin the Monk…Monk on TBS…BS Artists…Artists For Humanity…Humanity in Hip-Hop…Hip-Hop You’re the Love of My Life…Life Goes On…On&On…On the Grind…Grindin’…In Too Deep…Deep Cover…Covers Designed By Brian Life…Life Cereal…Reality Rap…Rap-A-Lot…Otis Redding…Dingo Ate the Baby…Baby Blak…Lakers Got They Ass Whipped…Pedestrian Journalists…Lists Made By Ego Trip Before They Sold the Fuck Out…Outside Mag…Magneto…Tomorrow I’ll Probably Get To More of This Shit…It Ain’t Hard To Tell…Tell You How High To Jump…Jump the TurnStyle Is…

5 Responses to “JTTS @ 5: Our First Poast by Chris Faraone”

  1. DJ ON&ON Says:

    Now JTTS is…
    Schoolboy Q…Action Bronson…Danny Brown…Lil B…Swag…Schoolboy Q featuring Danny Brown…Danny Brown featuring Schoolboy Q…and Trees berating everyone over proper formating.

    Happy Birthday…All I want is a big booty ho.

  2. Trees Says:

    Actually.. I have been fighting that battle for 5 years:

    http://jumptheturnstyle.com/2008/08/25/i-control-all-pace-tone/

    (also morissey reference.)

  3. General Stoör Says:

    ^^^ Two “R’s” in MORRISSEY dun. You played yourself. Spellcheck > than proper formatting.

  4. DJ ON&ON Says:

    Trees, I literally lol’d throughout that linked poast.
    I feel so much closer to you.
    Here I thought you were some spiteful, hateful wordpress monster, when, in fact, you’re a sensitive scared young man lashing out at the world because of your disability.
    Awareness is the first step. Let’s get you better, kiddo.

    (Jack Handy voice)
    All pics must b 483……but if they’re not…that’s o.k. too.

  5. el caballero Says:

    this post is responsible for 99% of our traffic over the past five years thanks to popular keyword searches like “Age Ain’t Nothin’ But A Number” and “Ines is a Pretty Hot Names For a Latin Bitch”

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