Crazy Black Kids and Their “Hip-Hop Style” Saggy Pants AMIRITE?
Oh hey guys.
I didn’t go anywhere. I was just taking the world’s longest shower.
Then I saw this.
The video starts by getting into the mind of a young man: “So you think you look pretty cool wearing your pants like that, don’t you?” asks a voice, as two pretty cool looking black teenagers walk down the street, jeans sagging below the waist line, presumably on their way to disrespect someone’s community. According to the voice, this plague on our city’s streets is called wearing your jeans “hip-hop style”; to stoke your disgust at this unholy scourge, the producers use a “Hip-Hop” beat direct from their Casio keyboard as the background music. It’s all part of a calculated effort to get your attention; after some 30-odd years of ignoring the problem, it’s time to confront the issue head-on, and for that battle, a respected voice of authority would have to get involved. And in hip-hop, no figure commands greater respect than a police officer.
And suddenly, there he is on screen. This young black police officer’s disdain for “hip-hop” is etched on his scowling face as he explains what the cruel fate that should befall the aforementioned teenagers should they decide that pulling up their pants would deplete them of precious “swag”: a $300 fine, up to three years in State Prison and up to two years in County Jail (this is assuming you do not have access to a “hip-hop style” lawyer).
Now I know what you think: Hizzoner Thomas Menino, having triumphed over the scourge of garment-based witness intimidation tactics, has turned his eyes on the next great issue affecting urban communities. But no–this campaign is being led by Dr. Omar Reid, head of the Black Mental Health Alliance of Massachusetts (BMHAM), who’s stated purpose is “improving the quality of mental healthcare among blacks, ethnic minorities, disadvantaged people and the poor.” And judging from his statements, this is just the opening shot in Reid’s war to save these poor youths from themselves.
“This is just the beginning of our public strategy to encourage parents, schools, police, social service agencies, housing agencies, faith-based organizations along with men and women in our community to take a collective stand and tell our young men and boys to pull those pants up.”
That’s right–our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is lining up next to Tammy from Social Services to fight this holy crusade on every front. I can only assume Dr. Reid has some studies he can reference showing that three years in state prison does wonders towards rebuilding the psyche of a young black man and putting him on the path towards success.
In other words, if you know someone who takes orders from the voices in their head, occasionally goes for walks on the T tracks, argues politics with dock pigeons and/or sporadically shits themselves mid-sentence–you know, a crazy person–there’s a good chance they sag their shit-stained pants “hip-hop style” as well.
However, a host of issues are still in question. Should we be concerned that these “hip-hop” loving teenagers are really mentally impaired, that maybe they are rejecting their belts to get back at their dad who rejected them? Everytime they stop to pull up their pants, is it really a cry for help? Or do saggy pants trigger some sort of brain-crippling reaction in those who are forced to look at these disrespectful-but-cool-looking youths in their neighborhoods every day?
And shouldn’t we start building some more jails? Eh? Right guys?
Oddly enough, there’s no mention of YT thugs who may decide to adopt a “hip-hop style” in disrespecting their own YT communities, but they are animals anyway right? Let them destroy themselves. The YT community already has their hands full in trying to control their own social disease: wasted white boys streaking across the Fenway Park infield with their “WOOOO!” face on. The penalty for that? A whopping three days in a jail cell, presumably spent swapping stories with other wasted white boys. All in all, once you count up the “likes” they’ll get on Facebook later when they post their “epic” status update, those kids will about break even on the whole thing.
It’s not perfect, but what you can be sure is that Dr. Reid won’t let these no-belt lunatics destroy the black community with their sagging jeans while he’s on the job. He knows that outdated and insensitive PSAs work. He knows that fining people in poor communities works. Sending kids to think about what they did wrong for three years in state prison works. Once again we can all be proud that Boston is at the forefront of the war on “hip-hop” and mental illness.
I could use another shower now.