It’s gonna be okay, Knife.

Friday, November 30th, 2012



I live here now.


Deep Thoughts By Jack Handy

Thursday, November 29th, 2012

I can’t really compete with Treez or On&On’s stories unless I’m getting mugged by tweens, but since I paid my $80 to help “de-AIDS” this site, Im compelled to write something. Something concerning my new Treez-less life and to let people know JTTS still exists. If there were a single “No Homo” key on my keypad, I would breeze through this piece in half the time. After 7 long years, my common law marriage to Rob Reilly has ended.

No more dudes night out. No more picking him up from jail. No more loud sleep apnea snores rumbling down the hallway. No more us seeing each other covered in blood (NH) from various forgotten debauchery. Our path to manchild-hood is now a separate, lonely trail through life (NH).

The first thing I noticed upon his departure are all the things that I’ve inherited from this situation. All the crap that you suddenly realize is yours when a longtime roommate leaves you. Like this stuff here:

See anything you like? Could be for sale. The second thing I realized is I’m old as hell. My household is now made up of young, fashionable whipper-snappers (NH) in their early 20s. My girlfriend recently told me she’s had the same phone number since sixth grade. JKFGT corrects my spelling of PVRPLE and sends me rap music I’ve never heard of. Jokes fall on deaf ears.  Star Wars is something they may get around to watching at some point. The list goes on.

And there you have it. My youth was fun while it lasted, but everything comes to an end eventually. Guess you’ll see me swinging from the ceiling fan soon. (BTW this is a desperate cry for help)…..sooooo……yeah……cool story bro…

Wishing A. J. Wright was still open.


NU E-MAIL

Thursday, November 29th, 2012

the view from our old g-mail inbox

 This shit smells like Malden.

Rather than clean up the mess we created, we are pretending like this never happened and hoping everyone else will too. It’s the American Way.

New Email

JTTSDOTCOM@GMAIL.COM

hit us up


JTTS.COM BOSTON MUSIC AWARDS TICKET GIVE AWAY CONTEST

Wednesday, November 28th, 2012

Poor JTTS.

Our fame reached a fever pitch this year some time around when Knife poasted about the time he was mugged by a roving gang of Jamaica Plain 12 year old’s.

I couldn’t go anywhere without chicks refusing to speak to me after reading about my last prostitute purchase.

I once saw Marty roll into the Good Life in fucking soccer shorts. I know why. He had that JTTS Swag Juice dripping off him.

Quincy coke dealers told Trees his money was no longer good with them. A.J. Wright promised JKFGT a life time supply of pink bandanas. People actually bought Faraone’s book. This blog was rollin.

The crowning jewel, yet another nomination for “Music Blog Of The Year” at The 2012 Boston Music Awards.

And then it happened. Blog Aids. Right in time for the voting process. Literally, a day before voting began. We finally fixed the site the day before voting ended. Like Yukonn entering a writing contest, we had no chance of winning.

However, we still get to engage in all the pageantry that comes with attending an awards show, and we want to share the experience with all 12 of our devoted readers. Trees is flying in from his new hometown of Tallahachee, or Gilbertville…somewhere deep in the woods of North Carolina.

Here’s your chance to spend an evening with your favorite JTTS personalities at a Boston awards show…Jesus…sounds more like a punishment.

Whoever answers the most questions accurately scores 2 tix to attend the Boston Music Awards, courtesy of JTTS.COM.

Come see us lose in person!

1.) What is Marty’s favorite Major League baseball team?

2.) What was the name of Faraone’s book chronicling the Occupy Boston movement?

3.) What kind of car does Trees drive?

4.) What YMCMB artist did Yukonn claim to discover, 6 years into his career?

5.) What duties did General Stoor have on set while working for a porn film company?

6.)  Name one M-Dot song.

7.) Which website do I use to score prostitutes escorts?

8.) JTTS started a national fire-storm by accusing a rapper of falsifying his chart-topping I-Tunes sales. Name the rapper.

9.) I almost got murdered by numerous people for banning a rapper from Boston with Edo G… Another JTTS story that shocked the nation. Name the rapper.

10.) What website fired Trees and I…. on fucking Labor Day?

LEAVE YOUR ANSWERS IN THE COMMENT SECTION.

Good luck, and we’ll see you this Sunday @ the Liberty Hotel!


@BostonPhoenix Succombs To Their Corporate Advertising Overlords And Fails At Life Again

Wednesday, November 28th, 2012

So the Boston Phoenix just fired one of their staffers for making fun of Bud Light in a comic strip.

I mean, what the hell @BostonPhoenix.

I get it.. You guys need to make a living. Advertising fuels your paychecks and you need pay your bills.

But I mean, aren’t you an alt-weekly? Don’t you have Faraone publishing diatribe after diatribe slamming corporate policy and corruption and blah blah blah..

Yet, when a satirical and talented comic book artist pokes fun at one of your major streams of revenue, and presumably that pussy-hurt, Brazilian/Belgian-pretending-to-be-American, rice beer brewing, shitty marketing anyway, beer company complains – you fire the kid. No warning, just the axe.

What happened to loyalty? What happened to standing up for the little guy?

I don’t know.. maybe you saved ten jobs by cutting one.

Either way, you’ve proved the irrelevance of the print media model to me once again.

Whatever.

Good luck to Karl.

 


Andy Milonakis Is Gone and Never Looking Back / Three Loco “Bong Hits” [Video]

Tuesday, November 27th, 2012

I remember a while back when we were talking about doing the JTTS Awards at Good Life…Jesus Christ, doesn’t anyone still have the shitty “notes” we took on that way back when? Knife or Treez?

That shit would be amazing to look at/revive now, but anyway…

It was going to be a fake award show where we shit on everyone in our beloved Boston rap/blog/DJ scene (or something), but anyway I remember we floated the idea of getting Andy Milonakis to host the event. The general consensus was he was such a washed up, desperate-for-anything, end-of-his-rope semi-comedian that we actually had a chance of booking him, and it probably would have been a lot cheaper than the $400 we just forked up to take JTTS off life support.

Well those days are over: thanks to Diplo and Riff Raff and Dirt Nasty, he now has more hipster credibility than ever as 1/3 of the world’s greatest internet meme rap group Three Loco. They just dropped an EP today on iTunes, it will presumably still ultimately generate enough money for Andy that he would never even squint at a JTTS Awards hosting request ever again.

Should have struck while the iron was hot.


Bandz A Make Her Dance The Video Game

Tuesday, November 27th, 2012

Juicy J – Bandz A Make Her Dance – The Video Game

If there is one thing this world needed, it was a Juicy J video game.

This got me thinking.. can you imagine a Sage Francis video game?

It would just be him running from Slaine outside of the Paradise.

Or maybe grilling some veggie burgers with Chris Faraone at an Occupy rally.

The final stage he realizes that B Dolan is actually his own reflection and he has to smash through a thousand mirrors in a fun house to find an exit.


XXX-MAS RAVE

Tuesday, November 27th, 2012

Nothing screams Jesus like Christmas lights set to Skrillex.

You see ON&ON and JKFGT, the jews could never throw down on a holiday of this magnitude. They would be worried about the costs of the electric bill for such a kick ass display. Christians really don’t give a fuck. Birth of their savior, lord Jesus Christ – fuck it blast Skrillex at sundown for the whole neighborhood to enjoy. It’s Christmas and they like dubstep.

You don’t like it, MOVE.


Christmas w/ Krispy Kreme

Monday, November 26th, 2012

I wonder if it bothers DJ ON&ON that Krispy Kreme has accomplished more in rap music in 6 months than he has collectively accomplished over the course of his life.

Shouts to all my fellow christians with John Cena gifts on your list. I hope Jesus blesses you.


Should I Go Ahead And Start Betting On Football Again?

Monday, November 26th, 2012

I mean..

Final score last night 38-10. #juice

Leading my 60+ member pool by four games into Week 13..

I don’t want to get too cocky, as that is not the mark of a champion. However, I like my chances.


Does Anyone Care That There Is Going To Be A New Cannibal Ox Record?

Monday, November 26th, 2012

Since the release of the Can Ox album in 2001, Vast Aire has gone on to claim responsiblity for some of the worst music recorded in hip hop history. His solo albums were barely listenable and fans clamored for a Can Ox reunion.

El-P admitted that Vordul Mega was suffering from schizophrenia and the reunion would likely never take place.

12 years later, there is finally word of a new album.

If El-P is not producing it – does anyone care?


SHYNE AND FARAONE VS. KENDRICK LAMAR

Sunday, November 25th, 2012

Shyne and our own Chris Faraone vehemently agree on one major issue: Kendrick Lamar’s album is hot gabbaj.

Over the weekend, the lamest latest rap twitter beef materialized between Shalom Shyne and Kendrick Lamar.

Shyne Po
@OriginalShyne
   Yoooo! Kendrick Lamar is talented with a lot of potential but his album is traaaaash!

@kendricklamarY’all entertain the loudest mouths in rap and call them REAL N*GGAZ.

@kendricklamar
 Kids, the first to bark is usually the weakest in the room. Your friends. Observe. Watch the loud ones. They’ll show you how real it gets.

@kendricklamar
 With that being said. This generation want sumin REAL’A. Soul, Cole, Rock Q, Meek, Dom, Nip etc etc. Halle berry or hallelujah.



R. KELLY “TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET” IN ALL IT’S GLORIOUS ENTIRETY.

Saturday, November 24th, 2012

O.M.G.

He’s either brilliant or completely fuckin cooked.

Behold, a new 48 minutes worth of “Trapped In The Closet.”

By the way, R. Kelly reports that his next endeavor is to bring this mishegas to Broadway.

Roll up some legal Massachusetts medical marijuana and enjoy.

.