Amalgam Digital. DJ ON&ON. Movie Premier Party @ Good Life This Thursday.

Monday, April 30th, 2012

Amalgam Digital C.E.O. DJ Next produced and directed a documentary filmed in Egypt.

 I’ll be dropping true school shit heavy all night. Come through this Thursday.

 


Craigslist Cuckolds, Maxine, Reel Drama, and a Columbia Road Prostitute…What Did YOU Do Last Sunday?

Monday, April 30th, 2012

 My weekends begin on Sunday night, which is when my son gets picked up from three days of black man shit personified. He cops a line-up from the Dominican’s, Arizona’s and patties from the Indians, bootlegs from the Asians, and helps me do laundry with the Africans.

We talk about life shit on the way to Atlas Liquors on Hyde Park Ave.

Love that nigga do def…but come Sunday night at 7pm, I’m overdue for some adult type fun.

I need a quick fix, so I get my C-List Cocksmith on.  I poast an ad for chicks with the headline “BBC TO PUT YOU TO SLEEP” knowing that I won’t likely get a response in the 1 hour window I’m shooting for. My best bet is to peruse MW4M and sign up to impale a chick in front of her husband. Sure enough, a couple in Southie bites the bait. My understanding is that she’s a sexy 47 year old with implants and hot lingerie with a penchant for African grown Mandingo’s. Her husband wants to watch and be reminded of how organ-ically inferior he is at every turn. I can do that.

So we’re doin our thizzle…I’m using her on our couch while he’s being berated on his couch. He fetches me a beer every couple of minutes…occasionally holds her hair back while she administers T.O.P.

Yadda yadda yadda, after a while, I’m just not into it. Sounds great on paper – fuck another guys wiz in front of him…but reality is, she’s 47, and he’s staring at my dick. My mind starts wandering, and I just wanna be a regular guy shopping in the supermarket with my son.

So after 2 hours of  verbal humiliation and middle-aged felatio, I decide to dip. I get outside, and it’s raining like Pacman Jones in a strip club. 35 degrees, wind gusts, and hail type shit. Maxine (my scooter) is drenched. I turn her on, and the battery is dead. FUCK! At this point, it’s almost 2 AM on a Sunday night, and 5 dusty oxy heads huddled at the Broadway T station are getting a kick out of watching me attempt to start Maxine in a Nor’easter. “Hey buddy, why don’t you get a jump? Ahhhhaaahahaha!”

It hits me. This is God sending me a sobering message.

 

I look into the heavens and say “I know what you’re doing.” I realize that the Lord wants me to stop engaging in sexual savagery. This is my punishment. Spending the night in the rain with extras from Gone Baby Gone. Wash my sins away sweet Jesus.

Then boom…my phone rings.

“Hello?”

“Yo…what’s good, you ok?”

“Drama???”

“Yeah, what are you doing?”

“Why the hell are you calling me?”

“Cuz you called me..I just heard you breathing mad heavy, and rain, and you yelling and shit.”

DJ Reel Drama was on the phone. We see each other once in a while at gigs and at his studio, but never really just kick it, which makes his phone call even more special. Amidst my frantic effort to start my ride, my phone dialed him up.

THE GAWD DJ REEL DRAMA

“I’m kinda stranded out here…I can’t start my scooter!”

(Awkward silence)

“You…have…a scooter?”

So we do that dance, and he finally shows up to rescue me. It’s now 2:30 AM and I’ve been in the rain for over an hour. He had a chick in his whip who seemed tickled by the whole shit. I know she was thinking, “Look at this grown ass man stranded in the rain cuz he can’t start his bitch ass scooter.” Drama hooked up the jumper cables and Maxine came back to life.

My freedom was back. I once again owned these cold mean streets. I took back everything  Jesus and I discussed.

At this point, I can’t feel my face or fingers. I’m pushin 40 mph on Dot Ave. gettin stung with rain darts to the dome. Whatever – I’m back in effect and want the world to know. I repeatedly scream out, “I’m from the Razor Ramone era!”. Not sure why, but Cam said it, and I needed to share it with the universe.

So now I’m on Columbia Road, and there isn’t a soul to be seen. It’s raining harder than ever. I spot a female staggering in the middle of the street. She has on tight jeans, high heels, a big pocket book, and a huge hooded purple jacket. WTF? Reel Drama just blessed me…I have to pay it forward. I pull up close to her and yell out, “You alright darling, you need a ride?” She is elated. “Oh my God, thank you!”

She approaches me, and the closer she gets, the more I realize she’s the same exact 47 year old I just left…only more haggard and beat down by life. She’s drunk, probably doped out, and if she’s on Columbia Road at 3AM, she’s most likely a prosty.

Daniel Staub's twin

I was overjoyed to be riding again, and she was overjoyed to be rescued by prince charming on a 50cc scooter. We instinctfully embraced and kissed each other on the lips. I realized this was the first time I was attempting to give someone a ride. Fitting that it would be under these outrageous circumstances.  We take off and she instructs me to go to Monadnock Street. She’s sitting behind me and is soaked throughout, yet her Dollar Tree perfume is incredibly pungent. She squeezes me and yells in my ear, “We’re gonna go to my place, smoke, and make loooooove!” I spit back, “Sounds good to me, darling.” Why do I keep calling her darling, and by “smoke”, she means crack, right?

Fuck. Once again, I need to get away. Damnit Jesus, you’re always right. Then again, I think back to ’95 when I got a bj from a Rican prosty in the bathroom of The Carter Hotel in Times Square. She sucked that glass pipe then me. Warmest mouth ever. I wanted that feeling back. See Jesus? You don’t know everything.

We pull up to her crib, get on the porch, and she starts banging on the first floor window. I say, “What are you doing?” She grunts, “I need my brother to let us in.” Christ. This can’t be good. Is there anything worse than your junkie whore of a sister knocking on your door at 3AM so you can let her and her rain soaked scooter driving  short Dominican boyfriend in? I need to be out. Just as I’m about to bolt, the door opens. She grabs my arm and we walk in. Her “brother” is 6’6″ 230 pounds, and appears to be bi-racial. “This is my brother, Will!” I peep in the living room and see seven other women knocked out on the floor and on couches. Yup. She’s a prostitute. Will is a pimp. This is a whorehouse. Will is not feeling me. She has something to say. “Will, me and my friend are gonna go to my room for an hour, he’s gonna pay $200.”

Oh boy.

I perk up.

“Will, it aint like that at all, I seen her on Columbia Road in the rain – she didn’t look right, so I offered her a ride…just tryna help the lady out. So…I’m…yeah…everything looks good, so I’m gonna…yeah.”

Will is staring at me. I just imagined the beatdown this chick was about to receive from her biracial brother.

And off I went. In bed at 3:45AM and at work at 9AM. What did you do last Sunday?


Words From Waka Pt. 3: Songwriting

Monday, April 30th, 2012


Danny Brown x Darq E Freaker – “Blueberry (Pills + Cocaine)”

Monday, April 30th, 2012

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All I want to do is swallow 15 vicodins, drink a bottle of robotussin, pour out a mound of cocaine on my coffee table, and destroy my apartment while I O.D. to this…

“CRAZY. PSYCHO. DE-RANGED..”

Danny Brown could be the best rapper alive right now..

Also.. what’s up with the shirtless black teens in the poast below this one.. #NVHXMO JKFGT


BRILLIANT IGNANCE [CHIEF KEEF EDITION]

Saturday, April 28th, 2012

My, my. I’m surprised I’ve gone this long without posting Chief Keef. If you haven’t heard by now, the 16-year-old trap muzik mastermind has been buzzing hard in these streetz (safe streets included) for a hot minute. After being on house arrest at his grandmother’s crib on some gun charge bullshit, Keef came back strong with a couple bangers.

Exhibit A: Chief Keef – I Don’t Like (ft. Lil’ Reese)




Even Faraone’s favorite rapper, Kanye West, is remixing this track. On some real G shit. Shit I know nothing about, yet know everything about. Shit I don’t don’t like. Shit I love, but I can’t like because I don’t like.


Exhibit B: Chief Keef – 3Hunna



Like homey says, “Click, clack, pow.” Dude is way more 3Hunna than 1Hunna. Hip Hop is alive and it lives in the WINDIEST of cities.


DO NOT GIVE A FUCK. NOT A FEELING, BUT A REQUEST.. YOU, YES YOU.. DO NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THIS ELECTION. WHY SHOULD YOU..

Saturday, April 28th, 2012

ABSTAIN FROM THIS ELECTION… IF U VOTE IN THIS ELECTION = FGT.

OBAMA
ROMNEY.

OBAMA
OR
ROMNEY..

DON’T BE A FGT.

DON’T VOTE.
DO NOT VOTE.

FUCK OUR GOVERNMENT.
IT DOES NOT MATTER.


ScHoolboy Q Performs at The Middle East [Footage]

Saturday, April 28th, 2012


In front of a packed crowd at The Middle East Downstairs the other night, ScHoolboy Q did not disappoint. With blunts, ski masks, and general mayhem, Q got his predominantly white audience so amped and so comfortable, that casually shouting out racial slurs became “acceptable” (?) (as you can see during his performance of “Blessed”). Included in the amateur footage I shot is “Oxy Music,” “Nightmare on Figg St.,” “Brand New Guy,” and “Blessed.” If you haven’t purchased Habits & Contradictions yet, do so now.


FUCK BEYONCE

Saturday, April 28th, 2012

THIS IS THE BEST POAST OF ALL TIME

FUCK THIS:

BEST HIP HOP AND R&B BITCH OF ALL TIME….

,


King of all Media: Sleezy Trees

Friday, April 27th, 2012

I am just tearing shit up lately..

LINK

LINK

 

GET ON MY LEVEL ON & ON

#GETONMYLVLONANDON

$


Big John feat. Chino XL, Kurupt, Esoteric – Deadly Deadly (Prod. Esoteric) [Audio]

Thursday, April 26th, 2012

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Who can forget this insanely heartfelt thank you note Big John taped to the wall above Van$tylez’s desk @ UGHH..

Van$tylez and Big John had the weirdest (presumably) hetero m4m relationship over the course of 3 days in 2009..

Big John showed up for an in-store and did not leave.. just stayed @ Van’s crib, hung out at UGHH, went out to dinner, drank.. Van called out of work, came in late, and was acting like he had found true love.. It was so strange.. A total bro down if there ever was one.

At the end of his three day journey, he straight up handed Quest a CD-J turntable as thanks.

Very interesting man that Big John. Solid dude.

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Props to Esoteric on the incredible sample flip.. GRAVEDIGGGGGGAZ.

DOWNLOAD


New Nas – Daughters (Produced by: No ID) [Audio]

Thursday, April 26th, 2012

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A heartfelt Nas x No I.D. song about daughters..

just like these girls:

(more…)


Check Out These Slipmats the Homie LayZBoy Invented..

Thursday, April 26th, 2012

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Fucking crazy.

Lay-Z won the Red Bull Thr33style battle in Boston this year.. (hence the Red Bull logo).

We went out drinking one night recently and he told me about these, but to keep them under wraps.

Now for some reason he told me to post them up. I think he had a deal in place with someone, but it must have fallen through..

Who want’s to be a millionaire? Snatch this kid’s info below and cash in.. Patent Pending.

(more…)


Losing The Passion to Blog..

Thursday, April 26th, 2012

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I think Chris Faraone quit JumpTheTurnstyle today officially..

I also think Marty has fallen off the face of the planet.. who knows where he is or what he is doing..

I started this blog with these fools almost 4 years ago.. and now I feel it..

the passion.. is draining from my soul..

Should we pull the plug?