With spring round the corner, a nigga like me is surchin fi love.

Amazing how we’re such predictable animals. Like the billions of human fgts that precede me, the arrival of spring has me hankering for a spiritually and physically fullfilling relationship. She’s out there.  A Ryde Or Die bitch that enjoys choking on my pituitary case of a cock as much as she enjoys reading and discussing David Sedaris novelas. She can recite Kanes “Set It Off” as effortlessly as spittin the Kiddush. She loves my new scooter. She hates that it takes time away from her. She loves Chris Faroanes’ book . She hates Faraone for hating Adele. She’s light-skinned, short, not too many tats, with a sturdy frame and occasionally wears glasses.

Jesus Christ.

I just realized I’m looking for myself.

Regardless, spring is around the corner, and the primordial chemical phenomena of finding love instinctively flows through our veins. I want to do the right thing. I really do. Unfortunately, my lifestyle, habits, surroundings, and tolerance contribute to my penchant for settling with  female undesirables.

I fell back on the backpage.com prostees. After gettin sucked raw from chicks in the discount bin, I started gettin p-noid bout my shit burning when I piss. I most recently had a raw one night stand with a chick from pof.com who is an aspiring actress (Living in the acting capital of the world,  Boston). She was cool, until she came over the next time with a bag of Mikky Deez. I told you bout that crunching thing I have. I know she felt the  disghust daggers my eyes threw her way as she chomped on those fuckin Mcnuggets. My face looked like Hitler watching Curb Your Enthusiasm. I sent her home…of course, after I ate half her food. Niggas aint shit.

Which brings me to tonights main event.

I met Ginnette eight years ago while working a short stint as a security guard at Home Depot. I would unlawfully ask customers for their receipts as they exited the store. Put me in a fucked up position cuz I’m standing feet away from the register watching people pay. After they pay and put their receipt away, I stop them to ask to see their receipt. Truth is, I have no idea what I’m looking for on the receipt, I have no legal right as a fgt security guard to detain any citizen for anything, and even if they stealing some shit, I have no authority to put my hands on them. A loud mouthed Masshole construction worker made a big scene at my expense. “No, I won’t show you my fuckin receipt, what are you gonna do” , he yelled in a deplorable Townie accent as everyone at check-out stared at me. I calmly walked over to Ginnettes register, wrote down my number, and abruptly ended my law enforcement career.

I was living with the chick I got Rodney Kinged with coming from the swinger party. Ginnette and I fucked all over that apartment when my girl was gone, always spending our last half hour together combing the entire crib for her hair follicles.

Fast forward to present day. Ginnette finds me on fezbook. She is married with two kids. Her husband is a 250 lb.former MMA fighter. This weekend, Ginnette was scheduled to go spend two nights in Rhode Island to celebrate her girlfriends’ birthday. What she really did was spend last night there. Tonight she sleeps over here. Her tubes are tied btw.

I don’t feel proud or find the situation amuzing. I’m a certified sex addict getting his fix en lieu of searching for true love.

Tonight I defile a married woman. This bitch better not bring any food over though. Niggas aint shit.

4 Responses to “With spring round the corner, a nigga like me is surchin fi love.”

  1. Knife Says:

    Killin it. Keep it up (NH)

  2. sleezytrees Says:

    i read they just passed a tougher prostitution law and police cracking down on johns. giving them up to a year in prison and fining thousands of dollars.

    watch out

  3. DJ ON&ON Says:

    That’s where I’m slick…my real name isn’t John.

  4. mr.murph Says:

    damn thATS CRAZY YOU ERASED MY POST?????????????? who do you work for?

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