I admit I didn’t pay really close attention, but my general impression of this year’s Super Bowl commercials was that they were horrible. I had the pleasure of attending one of the best Super Bowl parties I’ve ever been to, a true monument to American values if there ever was one. I was distracted by food and drink and gambling and drink. I recall a car ad with Jerry Seinfeld still mugging for the camera like it was 97 in which Jay Leno swooped in wearing a cape (pause) and some Budweiser ads where they showed people drinking Bud at every significant historical event of the past century on some Forrest Gump shit. These companies basically waited til I was a little tipsy and then tried to sell me a bunch of shit I didn’t want. Below are a few highlights:

I can’t front. This one was clever.

Take a guy who’s nickname is “Mumbles” and put him on TV. Brilliant plan.

This one is decent. I’d take that couch, or the blender if it came in “DeBarge.”

Gotta love GoDaddy. They never change up their formula and really carve out a niche market for themselves in 18-25 year old br0z who buy domain names.

Clint Eastwood single handedly resurrects America with his croaky, earnest speech-making voice.