Fuck Comcast

I pay a lot of bills every month. Car. Phone. Credit Cards. etc. Most of the time I am on time paying them. Sometimes I am late on them.

The one bill I hate paying is fucking Comcast. They rape my household for $130 every month. (Cable is not worth a fucking penny over $29.99 – Internet should be $9.99.) Every month I bend over and let them fuck me in the ass with fees and charges.

But the worst experience is when, heaven forbid, I miss ONE payment.

Today’s experience went like this: Text from Knife – Cable / Internet shut off. Ok, log on to website to pay. Search for name + password, can’t remember. Need to reset. Put all information in. Somehow logs me out. I log in again. NATURALLY, their piece of shit website isn’t working to take payment. It NEVER works to take payment. It doesn’t store my billing information like most normal websites do, nor does it stay logged in while I search for my credit card # to pay it. Put my credit card info thru. Response = “We are experiencing difficulties processing your payment at this time“. FUCK YOU. Put my SAVINGS account + routing – SUBMIT. Response = “We are experiencing difficulties processing your payment at this time“.

FUCK. You would think a company that supplies me internet would have a decently crafted ONLINE payment processing system in place. WTF.

Now I know when you CALL these fgts.. they charge a “convenience fee“. Which is complete bullshit.. I have to pay a fee to pay my bill? I could write 10 poasts on bullshit fees so I won’t dwell on this.. but I will say, Fuck the fee.. I hate calling because I avoid talking to these pakistani robots as much as possible.

So I try out their “LIVE CUSTOMER SERVICE CHAT” – which means, I am of course still dealing with scripted robots, probably cyborgs or some sort of half human technology.

I mean.. who the fuck names their child DYAN? Is it a male? Is it a female? Is it a random computer generated word, like a Captcha? FUCK..

 

The live chat naturally leads me no where. The dude/fembot/cyborg on the other end takes 5 minutes to respond to each question. They pepper self serving advertisements in between responses. I know that I must now bite the bullet and deal with the Robotic Indians at their customer service center.

I make the call. Sure enough, The soulless, script reading indian fgts that take my call read paragraphs of canned responses to me after having to wait 10 minutes to pay the fucking bill..

“Listen”, I say.. “I want to pay my bill. I am ready to pay my bill. It’s a simple exchange of information. I do not want to converse with you about anything, I do not want you to be polite to me or follow your script. I give you my billing info, you process it, I hang up.”

Twenty minutes and 10 pages of barely audible indian-accented fueled canned script later.. my bill is paid. Service restored. Total process time: 1 Hour. I blog about it. Realize that someone beat me to the punch and I wasted another half hour of my life. Publish poast anyway. Fail.

14 Responses to “Fuck Comcast”

  1. ComcastMark Says:

    Hello there!

    I work for Comcast and I’d like to look into your experience. If you can contact me, provide your info and a link to this page, I would greatly appreciate it. Your info will help us understand your experience and address your concerns.

    Thanks and I apologize for the trouble.

    Mark Casem
    Comcast Corp.
    National Customer Operations
    We_can_help@cable.comcast.com

  2. Sleezy Trees Says:

    LESSON ONE OF INTERNETING:

    Never give your personal info to anyone over the internet claiming to be representing any company.

    This is amazingly suspect.

  3. el caballero Says:

    this is on some skynet shit

  4. angry al Says:

    I knew those illuminati guys were gonna get you. They found you. You’ve won a non stop ticket to guantanamo bay. And you laughed at the balance

  5. Knife Says:

    last night after I finished watching Lil B videos I realized the cable was still off in my room. I grabbed an old bill, called comcast at midnight. dude picked up in 5 minutes and remotely reset the cable box in my room from his secret lair. watched the thing turn off and on like there was a ghost there. thing was up and running in 2 seconds. shout out to mark casem #comcastwiretap.

  6. Adam Gaffin Says:

    Here’s what to do if you live in an area with competing services (RCN or Verizon FiOS).

    1) Actually switch. Chances are they’ll be cheaper. We saved about $30 a month on cable service by going to RCN.

    2) Call up Comcast and threaten to switch. They have a customer-retention unit that will cut your bill to try to get you to stay. I learned about that when I showed up at my local Comcast office to turn in my cable box – after RCN service was up and running.

    Then, in a couple of years when your RCN or FiOS proves unsatisfactory for one reason or another, repeat in reverse.

  7. ComcastMark Says:

    I understand the skepticism, but I just want to help. You can google me or my team “@Comcastcares” or we_can_help@cable.comcast.com. We’ve helped many customers from many social media platforms. If you’re still reluctant to contact me I’ll understand, but please know we’re here to help.

    Mark Casem
    Comcast Corp.
    National Customer Operations
    We_can_help@cable.comcast.com

  8. Sleezy Trees Says:

    You know what Mark.. I’m going to give it a shot. I appreciate your attentive and some what frightening illuminati tactics on finding me through my own blog.

    Also .. sidenote: did you block this website from Comcast users?

    I was trying to access this from my comcast internet connection last night and it was the only website that would not load…

    I had three tabs open, and every website was loading except for JTTS..

  9. angry al Says:

    Voilating your own rule of interneting so easily trez? I didn’t realize you were such an easy mark. You will be hearing from more of my Nigerian friends.

  10. Sleezy Trees Says:

    Comcast Cares Al – why is that so hard to believe?

  11. Yukonn Says:

    This is so hip hop

  12. Nas Says:

    Almost $200 a month for service and for the past 3 weeks they can’t get my Internet working… They sent two techs that both said my place is wired wrong so they put in an order for ground work that didn’t show up twice…. Then I made an appt for tomorrow from 3-5 … Meanwhile my cable and net just went out so I called and since I had a pending appt tomorrow the system says ” our records show an appt tomorrow for 1pm” wtf I made it for 3!!!! So I hit #4 to stay on the line then I get estimated wait time “38 minutes” FUCK Comcast!!!! $2400.00 a year on this shitty ass service!!! And I’m fucked bc I can’t get FIOS where I’m at and fuck direct tv… Now I miss Cox Communications … Corporations sucks its all gimme ur money and here is some crappy service that PMS’s wtf man!!!!

  13. Kelly Says:

    I believe “Mark” is some version of an automated message as well, or several people working under one name. Apparently the only way to get Comcast to almost give a fuck about an incorrect, completely fraudulent charge on your account is to create a blog devoted to Comcast’s death. For those who have no idea how to do that, or the time, we are totally fucked. But then again you probably are too, because that email goes to a fairly generic customer service branch. Although, they may actually speak English, so that’s a step up. The fact that Comcast will devote energy to “helping” only those that are able to make them look really bad on a large scale only adds to the complete disgust I have for this company.

  14. Yohan Rio Says:

    Actually the people on the other end of the Chat are real.

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