Reasons Why Hip-Hop Was Dead in 2011: ON&ON E-Dition
Last week I sent ON&ON the same e-mail I sent everybody else: put together a brief write-up of one reason why hip-hop was dead in 2011 that we can compile for a list. This is what I got back.
Reason 1 Hip Hop Is Feminine
I have no problem with gays…shit, both my sons are mad gay, and so is my mother. What I do have a problem with is my hip hop being gay.
I now realize that when LL wrote Jack The Ripper – it was actually about a guy named Jack who tore Todds’ colon to pieces. Hip Hop is dead due to the proliferation of sweet niggas influencing our future…people like my two gay sons.
What to look out for:
1.) The “Homo Thug.”
2.) The “Sensitive Thug”
3.) The “Get a blowjob from a dude in your car” thug.
*Like I tell my two sons and mother….”Nothing wrong with being gay. Just don’t be hip hop gay.”
Reason 2 Geographic Disillusionment
So Drake grew up a wealthy child actor in Canada with his YT Jewish mother…so naturally, in recordings, he sounds like he’s been toiling on a southern plantation all his life.
Listen to an mc from your hometown…do they rap in the same tongue they speaketh, or are they trying to do their best rendition of Toby N’ Dem?
The same shit bugs me about British artists. They talk that cockney (no homo) bullshit all day, then get on a record sounding like they grew up in Opa-Locka. Fuckouttahere.
Reason 3 Tha Innanet
The internet killed the album. More specifically, it killed the experience of experiencing an album from the rooter to the tooter. When I was a kid I used to anticipate going to Strawberries on Tuesdays after school to cop cassettes. I didn’t know what would be out that week, but whatever I copped, I would absorb it, study it, dissect it, and recommend it for the entire following week.
I would go into my room, press play, and read the liner notes from beginning to end. I would discover that Harvey Bernstein was someones lawyer, and he must be a God damn good one at that, cuz why would he get shouts on the inside cover shit?
It also meant “beefs” were better. If someone threw out a subliminal diss, you had to wait for the dissed to come out with an album to diss the dissee. That could take weeks or months. The beef lingered, like Trees at a junior high school dance scoping out his next girlfriend.
Singles were singles. They had staying power. Now a song is poasted on a blawg on Monday, and on Tuesday, there’s 5 remixes.
Tupac’s Back…no, actually Big Pun’s Back…No, Biggie’s Back…No, Joe Budden is Back in Boston*. Enough already.
* JTTS has yet to remove the Boston Budden ban as of press time.
Reason 4 When Biggie died, they came out with Biggie Fries
Hip Hop is big business. Ask the average fgt who recorded “The Choice Is Yours” and they’ll tell you it was them Kia Hamsters. Since Hammer first danced for chicken, rappers have proselytized this culture of ours. Don’t hold your breath for Detox. Why should a nigga try to sell a million albums on Itunes when he can sell 5 million $400 headphones? Tell Fiddy how wack his music is, then take a sip of some Vitaminwater. Somaya fucking Reese tried to release a vodka before she dropped an album. When you have the conveyers of an art form more interested in selling anything but music, the music is gonna suck.
Reason 5 YT’s aint rockin Kufi’s
YT hip hoppers in fitteds just isn’t fun any more.
We need less of this.
And more of this.