I pay a lot of bills every month. Car. Phone. Credit Cards. etc. Most of the time I am on time paying them. Sometimes I am late on them.
The one bill I hate paying is fucking Comcast. They rape my household for $130 every month. (Cable is not worth a fucking penny over $29.99 – Internet should be $9.99.) Every month I bend over and let them fuck me in the ass with fees and charges.
But the worst experience is when, heaven forbid, I miss ONE payment.
Today’s experience went like this: Text from Knife – Cable / Internet shut off. Ok, log on to website to pay. Search for name + password, can’t remember. Need to reset. Put all information in. Somehow logs me out. I log in again. NATURALLY, their piece of shit website isn’t working to take payment. It NEVER works to take payment. It doesn’t store my billing information like most normal websites do, nor does it stay logged in while I search for my credit card # to pay it. Put my credit card info thru. Response = “We are experiencing difficulties processing your payment at this time“. FUCK YOU. Put my SAVINGS account + routing – SUBMIT. Response = “We are experiencing difficulties processing your payment at this time“.
FUCK. You would think a company that supplies me internet would have a decently crafted ONLINE payment processing system in place. WTF.
Now I know when you CALL these fgts.. they charge a “convenience fee“. Which is complete bullshit.. I have to pay a fee to pay my bill? I could write 10 poasts on bullshit fees so I won’t dwell on this.. but I will say, Fuck the fee.. I hate calling because I avoid talking to these pakistani robots as much as possible.
So I try out their “LIVE CUSTOMER SERVICE CHAT” – which means, I am of course still dealing with scripted robots, probably cyborgs or some sort of half human technology.
I mean.. who the fuck names their child DYAN? Is it a male? Is it a female? Is it a random computer generated word, like a Captcha? FUCK..
The live chat naturally leads me no where. The dude/fembot/cyborg on the other end takes 5 minutes to respond to each question. They pepper self serving advertisements in between responses. I know that I must now bite the bullet and deal with the Robotic Indians at their customer service center.
I make the call. Sure enough, The soulless, script reading indian fgts that take my call read paragraphs of canned responses to me after having to wait 10 minutes to pay the fucking bill..
“Listen”, I say.. “I want to pay my bill. I am ready to pay my bill. It’s a simple exchange of information. I do not want to converse with you about anything, I do not want you to be polite to me or follow your script. I give you my billing info, you process it, I hang up.”
Twenty minutes and 10 pages of barely audible indian-accented fueled canned script later.. my bill is paid. Service restored. Total process time: 1 Hour. I blog about it. Realize that someone beat me to the punch and I wasted another half hour of my life. Publish poast anyway. Fail.