JTTS Male Sac. #1
Here at JTTS, we give thanks daily for the opportunity to stare deep into the heart of darkness, i.e. the mind of our readers, on a daily basis. Seriously, you have to be a sheltered nerd or a sick fuck with deep-seated issues if you are checking this blog every day, but to actually send something into the abyss of our Gmail inbox takes a level of depravity and courage that few people possess. Now let’s pull back the curtain and see what horrors (and sometimes gems) will be revealed from the JTTS Male Sac.
I have to give some level of begrudging respect to Clancy. Having stepped into the arena before, this aspiring Peabody rapper came with “that super-psychedelic, outer-space, racially charged, kill your uborn fetus shit” (credit, Sleezy Trees) and was promptly clowned on arrival. He retaliation was weak, which unsurprisingly got him mentioned again…that’s just the way we work around here I guess. So imagine my surprise when I find young Clancy eager to get back in the fight with this tersely worded e-mail: “check the new music video, see if theres anything you can talk shit about now guys.” We’ve never needed to be asked to talk shit, Clance, but thanks for serving this one right up on a platter for us. The resulting video is one of the best Mac Miller Chris Webby Sam Adams Clancy joints I’ve ever heard; there’s a lot of squinting intently and earnest hand motions and a lot of that cool way that rappers nonchalantly adjust their snap-backs. Not only does he look like a bratty teenage version of Paul Wall, but he’s rocking those expensive ass braces too. You know that shit ain’t cheap. And the quality is top-notch: Mom used Tide XL to make sure that Sublime tee was looking fresh for the video. I should note that I watched the video on mute as not to fall into the trance of his hypnotiq lyrikz, but I know at one point he talks about “dropping a dookie in your vocal booth” which I assume is some trucker stop code for mouth rape. Congrats Clancy! You are working up to legend status.
Reese McFly Is Back
Another local white suburban rapper (does anyone else see a pattern here?) who’s been featured here before is Reese McFly, who maddeningly awkward sideburns diminished the otherwise sappy brilliance of “Got Me Singin’ Like.” Upon seeing that video, I was hoping that Reese would continue on this path, carving out his own niche and avoid the “local rap” cliches that stop so many promising careers dead in the water. Unfortunately, I was wrong, as you can see based on this latest video. Reese, you had a good thing going with the sappy girl come-ons in Chicopee. Why ruin a good thing?
One day I hope JTTS can have as loyal readers as they do over at our old bros Barstool Sports. As you probably remember, within 24 hours of posting our ground-breaking story on Scam Adams, a milestone in the history of poorly researched blog hype, we were drowning under a deluge of angry commenters from El Pres’ army of North Shore kehds and toxic-tanned “aspiring models.” Recently, BS came under fire for posting a picture of Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen’s two-year old son Benjamin at a beach in Brazil with no pants on. Another milestone moment, this one for those who see nothing wrong with posting pictures and making jokes about some two-year old’s dick. The resulting shitstorm of criticism inspired Boycott Barstool, a site aimed at “making sure advertisers know who they are supporting.” Props to Jesse for reaching out: whether your struggle is against child porn or shitty college-loving rappers, we share a similar foe. Salute.
Poor Ho, Rich Ho
This one has been patiently waiting deep in the sac (pause) for some time. I was hoping to get the author for an interview or a least a guest blog appearance, but I haven’t been able to get any response for months. Lair, if that is your real, beautiful name, please get at me. Here’s the synopsis:
For your consideration, a book titled “Poor Ho, Rich Ho: Modern Women in The New Pimp Game” is gaining notoriety online. Penned by underground author Lair Haven, Poor Ho-Rich Ho takes on the possible truth that “the hos are winning” while “the good girls are sitting” in this modern day exploitative entertainment culture. Based on candid insight, Lair uses creative exposition to spin a self-help book for vixens, strippers, erotic dancers, groupies and lady go-getters living the fast life by way of their sensual talents. But this book does not aim to heal the promiscuities of the risque women highlighted, instead it provides the blueprint for continued success in the flesh game as only a pimp would do.
Poor Ho, Rich Ho is a controversial underground offering which features daring insights into the minds and successes of women living in the fast-paced world where the most powerful of men succumb to the sensual and crafty graces of models, exotic dancers, actresses and unsuspecting escorts of the night. For any woman living or contemplating a life in the fast lane, sheer capitalism and sexual carnality awaits you in this book for adults only. Written as only a pimp in the modern world of sensual intrigue could share.