Prepare The Earth Women For My Pleasure: Chris Faraone’s Triumphant Return to JumpTheTurnStyle

Pic of me smoking legal blunt less than two blocks from Whitey Bulger's Santa Monica crib - taken less than one week before his arrest


I’m not sure why I stopped blogging regularly on JumpTheTurnStyle. It’s not because I had better things to do – I’ve always had better things to do. Nor has my absence been entirely to pay retribution to the infinitely lazy Trees, whose I’m-too-cool-for-this-blog schtick has more or less led to him actually thinking he’s too cool for this blog.

Not like I would have any clue, since I haven’t really checked the bitch for at least a month now. For all I know shithead could have been posting countless conspiracy theories and claims that he’s been down with Ron Paul since way back. That’s highly doubtful though, since, as you all know, he has nothing to say if I’m not blogging. He’s like the crabs that go away when I take sporadic breaks from banging degenerates.

So I’m back now. At least for a little bit, as we try and monetize this bitch at the expense of reader allegiance and integrity. You’re correct; this is one of the most illmatic returns of all time – including Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey. But before logging back in, I thought it would be fun to catch you all up on what I’ve been up to for the past 30 days.

For one, I got Spotify. And unlike most of you cheap assholes, I got the premium version, which allows me to use it on as many platforms as I want. Even for someone with infinitely snobby and eclectic douchebag rap tastes like me, this is pretty much a miracle. There’s a desperate lack of Paul Barman, but otherwise my needs are met, from Qwel and Non-Phixion to Ghettosocks.

Aside from some obvious new gems – Slaine, Apathy, Evidence, and JS-1 – I’ve more or less been listening to throwback shit on Spotify. Last week was all Necro all the time, while today I’ve been getting into some old LOX joints. Which brings me to two important points: We Are The Streets has the most hilariously bad album cover of all-time (get it – they are the streets, literally!!!), and “Wild out and blow a CO just ’cause it’s boring” is the most amazingly homosexual hip-hop lyric of all-time.

On the JTTS front – and you all probably know this already – we’ve got some categories now. We even had meetings with beer and Ritalin to figure this stuff out, while Trees – who really does care – spent much valuable time designing graphics for the fresh features. I’ll get the hang of some of that stuff soon, but for now I’m just warming up. Go ahead and call it a comeback. I’m cool with that.

Since I’m balling like a bastard, I also bought an iPad, which I’m using to develop the coolest hip-hop application ever known to fans. The device is also quite good for having virtual first person bukake time with Wite’s sister-girlfriend, who’s been begging me to get back to blogging so that he has somewhere else to channel his boyish aggression.

Other than that, I went skateboarding shitfaced, covered the greatest frat rap shit show of all-time, hung with Kool Keith and anarchists, turded on the A Tribe Called Quest documentary, and enjoyed the piss out of new projects from Vast Aire, Random Axe, and Grey Sky Appeal. Most of all, though, I missed you rat bastards. See you soon you fuckers soon.

9 Responses to “Prepare The Earth Women For My Pleasure: Chris Faraone’s Triumphant Return to JumpTheTurnStyle”

  1. Prepare The Earth Women For My Pleasure: Chris Faraone’s Triumphant Return to JumpTheTurnStyle | Whitey Bulger News Says:

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  2. Sleezy Trees Says:

    FARAONE STOPPED BLOGGING???

  3. Sleezy Trees Says:

    I also bought an iPad, which I’m using to develop the coolest hip-hop application ever known to fans.

    I also bought an iPad, which I’m using to develop the coolest hip-hop application ever known to fans.

    I also bought an iPad, which I’m using to develop the coolest hip-hop application ever known to fans.

    I also bought an iPad, which I’m using to develop the coolest hip-hop application ever known to fans.

    I also bought an iPad, which I’m using to develop the coolest hip-hop application ever known to fans.

  4. wite Says:

    i didnt read this but i looked at the pics & realized 2 things:

    1.) blunt wraps arent OG hiphop. i know one wen i see one – ur a sellout

    2.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51U-eEQn9Lo

    also
    purple earbudz

  5. wite Says:

    have i mentioned on here that jadakiss lives in my neighborhood? i probably have.

    we see eachother in passing and exchange pounds. his fist is like a brick.

    usually greets me with a raspy “wat up big boii?” but wen he rides past in the purple lex coupe sometimes its just a horn tap and a head nod.

    i feel being an acquaintance of al qaeda jada elevates my street cred 10 fold & because of that i talk about it on the net. respect my wigger.

    dood rly is in the street tho. in the hood like catalytic converters.

  6. Chris Faraone Says:

    I fucking love blunt wraps. Best invention ever. They’re illegal in Mass, so when out of town I roll as many as possible. You’re like the first guy who got a car and pulled that shit with his horses.

  7. wite Says:

    i smoke blunt wrapz too but that shouldnt surprise anyone seeing as how im not an elitst or purist in all things hiphop culture related. figured ud be twisting backwoods or fonta leaves or white owls. cracking phillies with ur pinky nail and dumping in an 8th of schwag just to keep it 90′s. pretty sure those purple budz are plugged into a yellow waterproof sony walkman. illdelph halflife in the deck. car backed into the spot in the lot. pioneer head unit but uve got the boombox riding shotgun just because.

    i see you faraonie

  8. wite Says:

    phillie titan tucked in the fitted. pacifier around the neck

  9. bbb Says:

    i am the one who clicked thumbs down on this post

    i just want you to know it was me

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