A few weeks ago I received the best damn music news I’ve heard since finding out that Bob Dylan’s grandson got signed to Young Money (real talk). I don’t care much about the business side of boom bap anymore, but this bombshell was loud enough to divert my attention from everything I hate about contemporary hip-hop. This time the good guy emerged on top, and got signed to one of the last imprints that really matters.
As of right now Queens laureate Boy Sand is officially rocking with the best at Stones Throw, which, for those who don’t know, is the unanimous label preference of both genuinely obsessed vinyl-philes, and the worst kind of indie poseurs who, 20 years ago, were probably telling people how much they liked that rapper Brand Nubian. Nevertheless, it’s that underground ubiquity that makes Stones Throw so special – that along with unrivaled spontaneity. (more…)
Here at JTTS, we give thanks daily for the opportunity to stare deep into the heart of darkness, i.e. the mind of our readers, on a daily basis. Seriously, you have to be a sheltered nerd or a sick fuck with deep-seated issues if you are checking this blog every day, but to actually send something into the abyss of our Gmail inbox takes a level of depravity and courage that few people possess. Now let’s pull back the curtain and see what horrors (and sometimes gems) will be revealed from the JTTS Male Sac.
I have to give some level of begrudging respect to Clancy. Having stepped into the arena before, this aspiring Peabody rapper came with “that super-psychedelic, outer-space, racially charged, kill your uborn fetus shit” (credit, Sleezy Trees) and was promptly clowned on arrival. He retaliation was weak, which unsurprisingly got him mentioned again…that’s just the way we work around here I guess. So imagine my surprise when I find young Clancy eager to get back in the fight with this tersely worded e-mail: “check the new music video, see if theres anything you can talk shit about now guys.” We’ve never needed to be asked to talk shit, Clance, but thanks for serving this one right up on a platter for us. The resulting video is one of the best Mac Miller Chris WebbySam Adams Clancy joints I’ve ever heard; there’s a lot of squinting intently and earnest hand motions and a lot of that cool way that rappers nonchalantly adjust their snap-backs. Not only does he look like a bratty teenage version of Paul Wall, but he’s rocking those expensive ass braces too. You know that shit ain’t cheap. And the quality is top-notch: Mom used Tide XL to make sure that Sublime tee was looking fresh for the video. I should note that I watched the video on mute as not to fall into the trance of his hypnotiq lyrikz, but I know at one point he talks about “dropping a dookie in your vocal booth” which I assume is some trucker stop code for mouth rape. Congrats Clancy! You are working up to legend status.
How come all could think about during the VMAs was how @JKFGT was reacting when Tyler was winning that “Best New Artist” award..
I mean.. fuck. Why is @JKFGT always creeping in my subconscious.
The VMAs weren’t that bad. I had power still so I watched the whole fucking thing lying in bed drunk.
Lady GaGa has completely jumped the shark – looking like Faraone’s cousin and shit up there..
What is the deal with Katy Perry + Nicki Minaj just straight biting Lady GaGa’s whole shit these days.. I mean, we get it.. You’re soooooo fucking fashion forward. I can’t believe you wore clown make up and yellow cubes.. Your hair is not a normal color.. I looooooovvvve your style.
Anyway.. VMAS 2011. If they got rid of that bitch singing in the chair, I would have liked it a lot more. I googled that chick and I guess all she does is perform sitting in chairs because her leg has been broken her entire career. In my day, we would have drug her out back and put her down like a wounded dog. Fuck that bitch.
Jay-Z and Beyonce have combined DNA to make a super celebrity. Haven’t been this excited since Suri Cruise came along.. Just kidding, I obviously don’t give a shit. I mean, kid is going to grow up to be a spoiled rich fgt, everything handed to him from day one. Fuck that unborn kid.
That hurricane was a joke in Boston. It allowed me time to make a millenium falcon out of legos, drink myself retarded, and cook up a succulent taco dinner for my household.. suck my dick irene. You are worthless.
I wanted to take the rubi out and wreak havoc on downed power lines and trees and shit..
Couple days old, but who fucking cares, internets. I’m grown now. Got grown shit to do. Since graduation, been living like Sleezy Trees did back in his glory days. #dgaf #fuckthecorporateworld #whatupmeds
will this turn out to be the biggest hurricane cocktease since Bob landed in the 90s..? I mean, I rode out that storm in my backyard in CT on some fuck-you-storm shit. I weighed possibly 95lbs at the time and had both middle fingers up and a baggy t-shirt which i was hoping would have lifted me away like a wind surfer.
what’s in your survival kit? i am hitting target and stocking up survival shit. board games, food, water.. maybe some shit to grill on Sunday when it turns out to be a nice day..
if this is real.. i want to say some real shit.. if this is my last poast. please google search “best rappers of all time”.. JTTS comes up as the fifth choice. (http://jumptheturnstyle.com/2009/05/04/jtts-greatest-100-greatest-rappers-of-all-time-97-dmx/) the poast has 305 replies. it’s my best and worst achievement for this blog ever. i want to be cremated and i want the replies to this poast printed and burned and put into my urn.. i want the ashes to mix with mine, so in my final moments as dust – i am actually one with this poast.
Check out this giant rat caught at Marcy PJs .. 3 ft long. Dude killed it with a pitchfork.
Poor hispanics. I mean here we have a guy who killed a giant 3 foot white rat with a pitchfork – (the white equivalent to killing a white tiger on an african safari with a bow and arrow) and all he gets is a shitty cell phone pic of his trophy. I mean, dude killed a giant mutant rat and makes national news — but all they can afford to capture this glorious moment is a motorola startac camera phone from 2003. And I mean, the only news network to send a photographer down there was “BLACKANDBROWNNEWS.COM”. Shit is fucked up.
And on top of that.. dudes are afraid to go on record and tell the story about killing giant rats for fear of getting kicked out of the projects for ratting on rats ..
“In one day eight big size rats were killed,” said a Marcy Houses resident who declined to be named for fear of reprisal from city or property management.”
I mean, what the fuck.
We see you and salute you sanitation worker Jose Riveria (simply assuming that’s your name) – Well done!
Pic of me smoking legal blunt less than two blocks from Whitey Bulger's Santa Monica crib - taken less than one week before his arrest
I’m not sure why I stopped blogging regularly on JumpTheTurnStyle. It’s not because I had better things to do – I’ve always had better things to do. Nor has my absence been entirely to pay retribution to the infinitely lazy Trees, whose I’m-too-cool-for-this-blog schtick has more or less led to him actually thinking he’s too cool for this blog.
Not like I would have any clue, since I haven’t really checked the bitch for at least a month now. For all I know shithead could have been posting countless conspiracy theories and claims that he’s been down with Ron Paul since way back. That’s highly doubtful though, since, as you all know, he has nothing to say if I’m not blogging. He’s like the crabs that go away when I take sporadic breaks from banging degenerates.
So I’m back now. At least for a little bit, as we try and monetize this bitch at the expense of reader allegiance and integrity. You’re correct; this is one of the most illmatic returns of all time – including Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey. But before logging back in, I thought it would be fun to catch you all up on what I’ve been up to for the past 30 days.
For one, I got Spotify. And unlike most of you cheap assholes, I got the premium version, which allows me to use it on as many platforms as I want. Even for someone with infinitely snobby and eclectic douchebag rap tastes like me, this is pretty much a miracle. There’s a desperate lack of Paul Barman, but otherwise my needs are met, from Qwel and Non-Phixion to Ghettosocks.
Aside from some obvious new gems – Slaine, Apathy, Evidence, and JS-1 – I’ve more or less been listening to throwback shit on Spotify. Last week was all Necro all the time, while today I’ve been getting into some old LOX joints. Which brings me to two important points: We Are The Streets has the most hilariously bad album cover of all-time (get it – they are the streets, literally!!!), and “Wild out and blow a CO just ’cause it’s boring” is the most amazingly homosexual hip-hop lyric of all-time.
On the JTTS front – and you all probably know this already – we’ve got some categories now. We even had meetings with beer and Ritalin to figure this stuff out, while Trees – who really does care – spent much valuable time designing graphics for the fresh features. I’ll get the hang of some of that stuff soon, but for now I’m just warming up. Go ahead and call it a comeback. I’m cool with that.
Since I’m balling like a bastard, I also bought an iPad, which I’m using to develop the coolest hip-hop application ever known to fans. The device is also quite good for having virtual first person bukake time with Wite’s sister-girlfriend, who’s been begging me to get back to blogging so that he has somewhere else to channel his boyish aggression.