We know – you’re sick of this fucking Skip Gates story already. The cable news networks have been especially relentless; I just watched Larry King and Larry Elder circle jerk to no result with Ben Stein and Mike Dyson taking turns on one another.
So since you’re tired of combing the news, we’ve done some work for you and found two great pieces that swings impressive jabs at the situation – one from Slate and another from the New Yorker.
The first one is by my former professor Christopher Hitchens, who took the Trees approach in what I feel is an exceptional article on Slate…
Last Memorial Day, I was going in a taxi down to Washington, D.C.’s Vietnam Memorial when a police car cut across the traffic and slammed everything to a halt. Opening the window and asking what the problem was and how long it might last, I was screeched at by a stringy-haired, rat-faced blond beast, who acted as if she had been waiting all year for the chance to hurt someone. (She was wearing a uniform that I had helped pay for.)
The second is from the New Yorker, where satirist John Kenney dreamed up a drunken conversation between all the parties involved…
The Oval Office. Late. President Obama sits across from Professor Henry Louis Gates, Jr., and Officer James Crowley, who share a couch. They sit amidst several empty beer bottles. No one’s wearing shoes.
CROWLEY: Can I say something? And I mean this. Ya know what’s awesome is pizza.
GATES: Pizza is awesome. Why is it so awesome?
OBAMA: We could go get pizza right now. I have a plane.
GATES: That’s awesome.
OBAMA: I could pick up the phone right now, get the plane, we could go to Italy for pizza.
CROWLEY: You’re amazing. And really good-looking.
GATES: You are good looking. You’re a very good-looking man.
OBAMA: I like giving speeches. I like press conferences.
CROWLEY: You give a lot of press conferences. Maybe, like, too many?
GATES: I think he’s right. Maybe don’t give so many.
OBAMA: But you should see the speeches I have lined up. They’re all so…emotional. I’ve got a new one on infrastructure that quotes Rosa Parks for no reason. But it makes you cry.