Eminem’s New Album Relapsed Right Into My Trash Can

In the past 24 hours JumpTheTurnstyle.com has become the hottest blog on the internet. Our traffic has skyrocketed. Our readership has nearly tripled.

Why?

Well.. a few months ago I made a post about my lack of interest in Eminem’s upcoming album Relapse. That album leaked online yesterday. Go ahead and Google “Eminem Relapse Leak” .. JumpTheTurnstyle is the second listing from the top (we sooo fucking major…). Now, we’re not hosting the leak, nor do we plan to.. however, I’ve downloaded the album and listened to it. I stand by the fact that I was once a HUUGE Eminem fan but..

Eminem Sucks Now

Sorry but it’s true. The album leaked. It’s 75% trash. Every video he has dropped does not entertain me. In fact, I feel sorry for him. He has no idea what his fans want anymore..

So everyone that commented on this post verbally butt-fucking him needs to check themselves.

Especially you, “suckadickfag“ who intelligently responded with the following:

wow! U would right a bunch of shit dissin somebody who helped save hip hop! Eminem himself has sold 80 million records worldwide and artsist he has signed have sold a total of over 30 some million worldwide! so if u have an opinion keep it to ur bitch ass self! Real talk i bet ur wanna those dudes who just rides the shit out of waynes dick huh??? talkin bout wigger shit! wow! i bet your fuckin have sheets hangin in ur closet u stupid klan mutha fucka!!! DIE haha

and you “methiacal“.. who I can only assume is the type of frail faggot white boy who uses the term “my niggas” to refer to your fellow white wigger friends. WHO COMPARES EMINEM AND 2PAC? I mean.. really? REALLY???? Do you look out your window and see people smoking crystal meth? Are there more trailers in your hometown than houses? I’m betting at least one of your family members is married to a cousin and / or showed up to the wedding in a pair of denim overalls. Amirite?

I walked into my boys house one day in the middle of an argument (respectivly) about who was the better rapper… eminem or 2pac… so they all look at me the second I walk in the door and ask me to decide since the room was split 50 50. you know what I said? eminem is the best rapper. of course half the room went off but then I said… (but listen) eminem is lyrically the best rapper because of the way he puts words together and switches his flows… 2pac was one of the greatest “poets” that ever lived. and everyone shut up after that and said very well said… you may not have to like the beats but I didn’t like 99.99 percent of any of 2pacs beats. but the lyrics that go over any beat that em or pac ever did was amazing. with 2pacs poetic rap style and with em’s lyrical genius you CAN’T argue with it without making yourself look like a moron. listen to the lyrics and way he puts words together. most rappers you could even think about comparing him to can’t do half the stuff em can! I promise you!

Let me repeat one choice quote:

with 2pacs poetic rap style and with em’s lyrical genius you CAN’T argue with it without making yourself look like a moron

So real.

and then there’s “tom” with the oh-so-clever and thought provoking counter-point,

YOUR ALL A BUNCH OF FUCKING CUNTS. AND WHO EVER POSTED THIS AND THE DUMB COMMENT NEEDS TO GET A LIFE OR FUCKIN DIE. BICHES.”

It’s amazing that a post I made months ago is still garnering traffic from Eminem Stans. And do you know why? It’s obvious really.. I tagged the post: “Eminem Relapse Leak”.

Fgts.

So all of you fucking “FANS” are looking to download his album anyway. Guess what.. that wigger don’t want you as freeloader or a fan. He needs your fucking McDonalds paycheck cashing, sister fucking, current/former juggalo, nickel bag of weed selling to your friends cash $$$ to make that happen. Michael Jackson sold more records but it costs money to keep molding your skin to look like the atypical space alien celebrity that he is degenerating into.

Listen, I liked Eminem. He is.. or rather.. was, a genius. But I mean, how can I still support a dude who stole his whole 2009 flow from this fucker right here:

37 Responses to “Eminem’s New Album Relapsed Right Into My Trash Can”

  1. Chris Faraone Says:

    Funny post man, but I’ve heard three tracks so far, and I’m loving all of them. We’ll see what the rest do for me.

  2. knife Says:

    horrible. maybe jj abrams can make a new eminem in 20 years and we’ll like him again.

  3. ant Says:

    Eminem is horrible.

    Infinite is his inly good album.

    Fuck lil wiener and eminem.

  4. DJ ON&ON Says:

    I like whatever Chauncy Billups likes.

  5. angry al Says:

    never liked him or the sound of his voice. also his movie sucked too. I’d listen to xmass in quincy before any of his shit.

  6. Trill Gates Says:

    do (some) rap fans enjoy eminem for his lyricism or his rythmic ideas? thats a serious question. i ask because i hate his fucking guts yet “dead wrong” is one of my favorite rap verses of all time. i cant stand anything else hes ever done, i think his pen is garbage. however, every once in a while he’ll use a nice cadence. im just wondering what all of you nerds like most about him.

    by the way, i bet none of the people vehemently responding about eminem could tell me what rap group tek and steel are in or who the four horsemen are.

  7. m3 Says:

    I’ve listened too, and I’m pretty disappointed. Beautiful is a great track, as are the four singles (Old Time’s Sake, Crack A Bottle, We Made you, and 3am). Some other good tracks are Bagpipes in Baghdad, My Mom, and Must Be The Ganja. Everything else I’ve listened to has been pretty much either trash or average music. I’m disappointed, but will still buy Relapse to support my fellow whitey and hope that Relapse 2 is better.

  8. A.J. Says:

    A+ review. CD sucks ..

  9. jj Says:

    lol your “review” is garbage. this is one of the greatest hip hop albums i have ever heard and i dont really even like em. go listen to your soulja boy b*tch

  10. spy Says:

    I FINK THE ALBUMS SICK

    REMEMBER WHAT EM SED BACK IN THE DAY……

    “I MAKE SONGS FOR ME FUCK WHAT U LIKE”!!!

    AND ITS
    TRUE THIS ALBUM IS ABOUT HIM

  11. Hm... Says:

    I doubt the reviewer has a good grasp of what makes a good rap album, cuz, well, this ish is bringing SPITTING back to the mainstream… troll around Okayplayer(The Lesson), 2DopeBoyz, KanyeLive or whatever other Hiphop forums there is, and you’ll see the consensus. Well, I guess not everyone “gets” Hip-Hop music. This is an amazing album, technically speaking.

    I mean, his use of internals, multis, cadence, compound rhymes….. dude, do you listen to music or just skim through it? His flow is like water.

    ….. oh, and nah, I’m not a die-hard Em fan or anything, I’m just a Hiphop Head. Encore DID suck, and The Eminem Show was lackluster, but this isn’t. It boggles my mind how someone could call the vivid story-telling in rhyme-form, the psychopathic concept, and introspective and self-depreciating honesty of tracks such as “Deja Vu” and “Beautiful” garbage.

    Objectively, in the genre that Em is in, this is untouchable skill-wise.

    If you like rap music, don’t take this reviewer’s word for it, matter of fact, don’t take my word for it, listen to the album.

    May 19th. I’m copping.

  12. Yep Says:

    Im with the the guy above who said the Reviewer merely skimed through the album and didnt really listen to it. Eminems rhymes are ridiculous. Its not just rhymes either, he uses other devices like assonance and alliteration like crazy.

    and bullshit that you “used to like Eminem”. Stereotypical statement from any hater trying to convince people and album sucks.

    RELAPSE IS PURE GOLD. Buying it on May 19 no doubt.

  13. Cam'ron Quotes from Crime Pays | JumpTheTurnstyle Says:

    [...] all been collectively blessed with more pearls of wisdom and knowledge just dripping with swag. I heard Eminem’s album wasn’t that good anyway, so that leaves Cam as the sole source of pure rap quotability coming from any recent release. Like [...]

  14. Joe G Says:

    I did like the album, but I’ll have to ask Chauncey Billups what he thinks..I guess if the niggers like it then I like gooks and if the crackers and Jews and Redneck honkeys have a problem with niggers Rajon Rondo and Ray J will move together in a condo and felch with old Terrance Felcher in Terrance Howard’s accent in the new Fighting movie. So Black Power to you Mr. Rafael Billiard you spick jew nigger honkey cocksucker.

  15. locash Says:

    Funny shit. Review is way off, but this is made me laugh.

  16. Bro, seriously Says:

    I googled relapse leak because I heard about it and wanted to see what was up, because wikipedia didn’t have anything. I laughed at your article, not because your funny, because your the complete opposite. You gotta show respect for people, especially someone of Eminems status. I’m not a stan, I haven’t bought any of his singles and I’m not buying the album. I just think you should consider your place, seeing as your a blogger( who thinks he’s badass because he can make autotune songs and little pictures of paint) and Em, who is easily top 5 of all time, regardless of how he is now

    P.S. Cosign 2dopeboyz

  17. ubit Says:

    m3, I think you should give the album a FEW more listens… cuz what you said makes no sense to me. The singles are by far the worst part of the album. You missed most of the greatest tracks on the album: Underground, Still Wide Awake, Medicine Ball, etc. How the hell can you like the singles and not THOSE masterpieces??

    Anyways, To those of you who haven’t heard the album and are thinking all the reviews are negative: NO, THEY AREN’T. Everyone I know who are true Em fans fuckin’ love this album. It’s easily his best since MMLP. His flow is sick, the beats are hot, and the wordplay is amusing and impressive. It IS a grower album, and I wasn’t overwhelmed the first time (except for a few tracks like Underground), but after 5 or 6 listens… DAMN! This is a phenomenal piece of art. Skeptical? Just listen to the second half of the album. The first half pales in comparison. Check out these highlights:

    -Underground
    -Stay Wide Awake
    -DejaVu
    -Must Be the Ganja
    -Medicine Ball

    That’s for the fans of the more serious, intense Eminem. If you like the lighter/goofier side, check out:

    -Insane (lives up to its name BIG TIME!)
    -My Mom
    -Beautiful
    -3 AM (serious, but has the playful accent I’m not fond of, and a more catchy/pop like tune)
    -We Made You (one of my least favorites, but a lot of people like catchy shit)

    Honorable Mentions:

    -Bagpipes from Baghdad
    -Hello
    -Old Time’s Sake
    -Same Song and Dance

    Overall, 9/10, and some of his best work I’ve heard. And I’m a fan all the way back to Infinite. I wasn’t expecting ANYTHING after the poor album “Encore”, but this is Em at his (almost) finest. Seriously, who the fuck doesn’t like some of these brilliant tracks?? Just the first 5 I mentioned are CLASSIC SHIT! Can’t please everyone though…

  18. nikole Says:

    whack review. this album is great & u obviously havent listened to it more than once. eminem is a genius & if u dont get him then that really sucks for u.

  19. Yo Says:

    You seriously did not listened to the album and i have to agree with some of the comments about you skimming through the album. Because truthfully, you did.

    I truly doubt that if you actually sat down and listened to the whole album and understood what it was about, you wouldn’t have wasted your time writing this stupid ass review.

    “used to like Eminem” Is in fact stereotypical statement from any hater trying to convince people and album sucks.

    Relapse is pretty effin’ amazing. I’m about to stop reading this blog based on this bullshit.

  20. raul Says:

    Relapse sucks i havent he hasnt come out with a solid album since marshall mather lp….his best album was definitly slim shady LP

  21. Ron Paul Says:

    Ok will say that, the album is overall average compared to his first one he sold out of his trunk, “Infinite”
    I wish that he would bring back the mello tone, the album is 3/4′s stabbing cumming while jerking off lyrics again.
    If he stuck to political subjects like mosh, or released a single how obama is trying to implement a new world order then the album would get maddd buzz. Unfoutunatly, In my opinion, Emeniem is good, but he dosen’t give a fuck anymore, he’s a waste of talent. He’s like a 800whp skyline that goes the speed limit, Once he’s at the top he kind of goes easy.. Like in one of his songs while i was listening in a buddys car, He states “i play possom” so I’m not going to buy your album if you hold back, Until he starts putting out hits like mosh, infinite, till i collapse, no apologies, real 911, until the music stops w/ d12 then he might get my 18 bucks or whatever it is.

    By the way, comparing tupac is no contest.
    Tupac has classics, songs that will play forever, Tupac, unlike eminem, when he got big he made a song called Killiuminti, which refers to the “illuminati” and the monetary banking system, which goal is to implement a new world order.. the CIA, or david roccafeller didn’t like that, so tupac was killed, a false flag operation. funny thing is, people think tupac was shot by his opposers, he was not, he was killed off by the banking institution for blowing the wistle, people that have logic and can connect the dots can see this. Joell ortiz and immortal technique are getting my support now, I moved on from this guy, dosen’t mean I still won’t bump his old classics though.

  22. Nicaaa Says:

    check out ems neww songs off his second new cd hes coming out with shortly after relapse is officially leaked… hes back to his old school shit dude… there posted here on http://mydailydj.com/may-17th-tracks/ the first cd was a joke i agree… hes definitely still got it tho…

  23. chris Says:

    worst album ever, worst lyrics ever its just a bunch of random shit mixed with more random stupid shit with gay voices.. eminems career is over and he needs to get back on drugs to make a better album

  24. Wtf Says:

    “Underground” is the only good song on this album.
    “Deja Vu” is okay…

    I miss his old voice. Underground is the only song that really has his older, deeper angry nasal voice.

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  26. dumplas Says:

    Relapse was one of the greatest albums I’ve ever heard. A combination of the raw, original style of Slim Shady LP (although even more graphic and violent, nice!!) and the lyrical skill of his verse on the song Renegade off Jay-Z’s Blueprint. Crack a bottle and We made you suck, but what’s new? His singles always suck. Anyone who can’t appreciate the technical skill that he displays with the multisyllables, imagery, storytelling etc, is fucking deaf. Tupac sucks dick. He is seriously a horrible rapper. Wow omg he can rhyme “negro” with “hero”? Oh wow thats a sick multisyllable, all 2 of them!!!! Stop being sheep, listening to music because other people tell you it’s good. Best rappers (not in any particular order) are: Eminem, Copywrite, Apathy, Louis Logic, Tonedeff, Mac Lethal, Sage Francis

  27. swift Says:

    Eminem greatest rapper? Tupac greatest poet? another sheeped moron you are… lol

  28. swift Says:

    to make this clear… tupac was not one of the greatest poets of our time… but he was a truther… much like MLK but he delivered his message in music rather than speeches.

  29. Mike-C Says:

    I get both sides comments… Em’s music is love it or hate it & whats funny is, the haters LOVE 2 hate it yet the fans find themselves hating that they love it. See? How sick is Marshalls lyrics? So sick that hes got everyone crosseyed listening 2 his music. Now lets all be honest 2 each other & 2 ourselves, if Em was a brand new artist & relapse was his first LP, we would all be in love with slim again like we were after hearing the songs that followed “hi, my name is”. The problem, ladies n gents is that he’s SO good that he appears smaller than he really is. When a solid argument has 2 be Em being compared 2 himself as to whos better with the flow, he must be DAMN good. See he mastered the art at such a high level that topping himself is now the only adventure left.. And he will my friends, make no mistake, Eminem will be better than Eminem because he’s the only one who can be. Look out for the 2nd album, the 1st was merely the calm before the storm…. Dre im down here under the ground dig me up… Notice how that came at the END of the album? Gee i wonder if its because Em just finished relapsing through every album he ever did and only now is he ready 2 show us all the real genius he has in his arsenal! Man forget this! Im done talkin! Look out for the 2nd album!

  30. methiacal Says:

    after that last verse em did on drakes “forever” track anyone who still doubts is crazy. I think the first cd this year was just to throw his name out and create a buzz of any kind, good or bad. they say he’s recorded over 200 tracks over the few years he left. i think this album is to make everyone talk shit, the second album is going to make everyone shut up. and for those dissin em….why are you on his site then? its like bitchin about santa claus, if hes not real and he doesnt exist the SHUT THE F**K UP!

  31. Nate Says:

    I completely agree. Eminem’s first two albums were really good. Encore was wear it started going down hill because his act really got old and repetitive. The Eminem Show was alright, better then Encore anyway, I liked it even though it was pretty fucking mainstream, if you catch my drift. And also, that D-12 shit was pretty lame (with the exception of a couple songs). When, Curtain Call came out I knew Eminem was finished (heard the song “kill you”?). And finally I get to Relapse… The most disapointing, retarded album Iv ever listened to. Eminem completely dropped his old style, and just turned into another main stream piece of shit. I remember it killed me when I heard all the nerdy fucking posers at my school saying “omg… I love Eminem. His flows are so great”. Fuck Eminem. I literally just saw him in a music video with little Wayne, the old Eminem would have never done a video with that cunt. Eminem is useless now. Fuck him

  32. Danny Says:

    LMAO eminem is fucking horrible for 2 big fucking reasons

    1) Consistancy. He only made 5 studio solo albums in 10 years.

    2) Content. He raps about the same shit. He whines about his horrible rich famous any hoe having ass. Oh yeah he talks about his kid and wife, who gives a fuck?

    I used to be a big em fan when I was like 14. now I’m glad I woke the fuck up. People think he’s the best rapper alive which is bullshit. I rember eminem having a beef with one underground rapper who is lyrically better than him and not corny. I’m talking about Canibus, one of the most underrated rapped to be mentioned. Em being as corny and immature as he is, makes a poppy diss track which wasn’t even a diss. Canibus fucked him up but all the stans rode ema jock as usual and said he won the beef. Eminem is talented, but not talented when comes to making good albums and being versitile like other rappers.

  33. Bruce Says:

    1st .. thats funny shit !!

    Eminem is a legend, his first 3 albums were amazing his lyrics insane. But after that he just went downhill. How any one could say that Eminem was never any good at all ? I want you to take Biggies albums .. take all of them .. find me more then 2 of them that were great from front to back ? Then listen to Eminems first 3 and talk to me.

    Relapse is horrible.. he stole his style from listening to too much Twisted and Juggalo Detroit clown music. I mean wtf .. 3AM ? The entire video of him talking about commiting mass murder and cutting people up and looking goth like.. and shit.

    Eminem always had wierd lyrics .. Like the song “KIM” but the way he made that song was great. This is just messed up goth like death sick messed up shit. And his lyrics are garbage now with him changing his voice all the time like a cartoon.

    However the 2 recent songs he has done with Drake on “Forever” and Lil Wayne “Drop the world” are amazing .. this sounds close to old Em. I hope that Relapse 2 is old Em .. because I havent purchased one of his albums since Infinite/The Slim Shady Lp/Marshal Mathers Lp… make me buy another one Em ..give me something good.

    Either way Dr Dres Detox will be out this summer so ..

  34. Ethan Says:

    SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

    HE didn’t make the song 3AM based on twisted clown music. Its about him over dosing on drugs and waking up and not remembering what happend dumb ass! Relapse is obviously about drugs if you don’t know what those are little kid. And he’s not goth… give the guy a break he’s fucking depressed… damn some people just don’t get it. He’s addicted to drugs. his life is not as not as easy as it sounds even if he is rich.

    I don’t care what people say about him but he sounds good to me! and i cant wait till relapse 2. His new song “Oh no” that was released recently ago in 2011. I think i have proof that he’s going to have a relapse two. Because in the song “Oh no” he raps: “First i re up-, Then I relapse, Go to rehab, Then I detox, After I see Doc, Then ill be back with the sequel, Repeat the cycle… HOLD ON! let me explain! Re-UP: his old album with D12, RELAPSE: 2009 album when is Eminem getting on drugs, REHAB: his new album in 2010 that is called Recovery were Eminem gets off of drugs, DETOX: The album that also came out in 2010 by Dr Dre and the song “I need a Doctor” in dre’s album is him seeing doc which is why he said after i see doc in “Oh no”, THEN ILL BE BACK WITH THE SEQUIL REPEAT THE CYCLE: Which will be Eminem going back on drugs and so on.

  35. Ethan Says:

    WHICH MEANS THERES GOING TO BE A RELAPSE 2!!!

  36. Eminem Says:

    Ethan, you are obviously a fucking retard, first of all the re-up isn’t just with d12, detox never got released, and he replaced relapse 2 with recovery, if he releases relapse 2 Hell will freeze over, do go Fuck yourself, I think I got dumber reading your comment

  37. hazzzy Says:

    both sides are vaild, and i am a massive eminem fan, but i realise that most people dont agree that he’s the best, but come on you gace the albulm more publicity?more people downloaded it to listen to what you call ‘shit’ makes no sense, i doont think your a hater, i think you hate the fact you love em,give him a break all those saying he should be back on drugs to do a better albulm?if he was still on them he probably wouldn’t be here, he lost proof, how hard do you think life got after that for him?its sad that people can’t respect him even if they hate his shit,your just dashing his name around even if you are hating! I don’t think Em would care to be honest he raps for himself, he has his money and im sure he likes it,you can’t have listened to it properly, your need to understand it,before you judge it. half of you people haven’t even got an albulm to put out there,he has.

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