Sleezy Of The Week: E-Stalking Karmaloop Models (Part 1 of a 10 Part Series)

Can you believe this girl drank from the same reservoirs of tap water that all the rest of you mutants sip from who live in Marlborough Massachusetts? She breathes the same air that has forced so many New England women to look like full grown versions of Billy Redden with hair. Shit, Brother Ali in the post right below this one looks more attractive than half of the estrogen filled man childs that pass off as women in New England.

How is this possible? How did such an attractive woman grow from the inbred grains that have produced some of the ugliest women per capita in all of the world? I mean is it possible the Irish genes have never touched her bloodline? The pan-faced, thin lipped, translucent skin ginger genes that have cursed this area for the last 400 years have not seeped into her genetic code?

For the love of god, this woman needs to breed with everyone in a 500 mile radius. We need to up the quality of bitches here, not just for us to plow through as decrepit elderly and lonely middle-aged date rapists, but for our illegitimate children! I want one of my deadbeat sons to have a chance @ scoring with one of her offsprings. We need more women like this to advance our local species and New England’s standing in the world.

I implore this model to please, PLEASE, freeze a healthy supply of your fertile eggs and let us raise an army of female offspring from your genetic makeup! You hold the key that will allow New England to be mentioned in the same categories as: Sao Paolo, Phoenix, Miami, Paris, and Los Angeles.

Now I realize this is a “hip hop” blog, and a lot of you dickheads will be commenting about her “lack of ass”. Shut up and Fuck you! Do not taint this for me! Just sit back, and enjoy the finest specimen that white race in New England has produced since we started sleeping with non-whites. This is 21 year old Karmaloop Model Kelly Karloff


30 Responses to “Sleezy Of The Week: E-Stalking Karmaloop Models (Part 1 of a 10 Part Series)”

  1. VegaTheChosen Says:

    that’s my WIFEY right there even here name is sexy Kelly Karloff…. Yo Kelly it’s Vega I been sweating you forever how bout you hit the email button send me the math and we can make this power couple thang happen.

  2. Marty Says:

    the only word i can think of to describe a girl this fine is STUPID. STUPID FINE

  3. Ant Says:

    She is fine, but im not a fan of fake tits. I wish i could have done her while she had little itty bitties. no joke she looks just like this girl i hooked up with a couple Spring breaks ago from Canada. Is there anywhere i can post pics?


  4. Chris Faraone Says:

    Get out of my dreams, and into my trunk.

  5. thekidozzy: @DavidDTSS i think this might interest u fam, lol » BluntCruise Says:

    […] thekidozzy: @DavidDTSS i think this might interest u fam, lol March 10th, 2009 at 2:39 pm // […]

  6. The Dance Says:

    Trees, your internet knowledge is lacking. Not only is that girl Kelley Karloff but she’s “Elvira” from She’s been a dirty celeb for months. Apparently she goes to Suffolk and her boyfriend recently cheated on her. She also had a nose job and, thusly, is a liar. Go to and search Elvira for more info. Here’s one recent post:

  7. Sleezy Trees Says:

    Elvira has a sweet set of +2’s..

  8. Marty Says:

    she can be the JTTS girl doing promo at our next event.

  9. Trill Gates Says:

    as a resident of new england i can safely say that shes not really from new england. her parents probably moved from south florida or california for work. you cant survive more than 2 or 3 generations of new england mating and keep such a robust genetic assemblage. whatever. better enjoy her before she moves away.

  10. DJ ON&ON Says:

    My 16 month old son has a fatter ass (No Incest)than this frail yt…Any King magazine jumpoff is more delectable than this O.C. reject…Somebody give this chick a sandwich.

  11. ... Says:

    she’s the most amazing girl ive ever met in my life. perfect in close to every way. really. shes beautiful inside and out. had to throw that out there

  12. pablo Says:

    hahahahahah i used to go to school with this girl/

  13. bernardo Says:

  14. Kelly Karloff Pretty Much Owes All Of Her Success To Me | JumpTheTurnstyle Says:

    […] Oh .. and here’s the link to the O.G. Post that made her famous: E-Stalking Karmaloop Models […]

  15. ... Says:

    im in love with her

  16. JR Says:

    Fuck karmaloop… They have destroyed the whole idea of streetwear. They make it too easy. They have killed many sub cultures by selling them out. They are wack! They whole point of going shopping in the cities and in small shops was to get gear you couldnt get anywhere else. That idea is now bullshit. They have put many small businesses out of business. DON’T SHOP WITH KARMALOOP!!!!

  17. Rosa Acosta Mi Amor | JumpTheTurnstyle Says:

    […] rant about hip-hop or blow up the spot of the occasional Internet model (I’m looking at you, Karloff), he makes his presence felt in all its sleezy glory. Last week, we got hit with Drake’s […]

  18. Kelly Karloff and Karmaloop Controversy | JumpTheTurnstyle Says:

    […] founder Sleezy Trees is obsessed with Karmaloop model Kelly Karloff because they’ll remember this post simply focused on how hot she is, and this post where he asserts that JTTS has launched her career. […]

  19. m Says:

    Sometimes when I browse around Karmaloop it makes me wonder- do the clothes really look as good as they appear to be, or is this chick rockin’ it unlike any other? One thing we can all agree on for sure – this lady is so bangin’ she’d make a garbage bag look like the latest runway hit.

  20. ugh Says:

    Maybe if she wasn’t so fake-looking, are y’all serious? Look at those tits, they’re too goddamn obvious

  21. Video: M-Dot- "Backstabbers" | JumpTheTurnstyle Says:

    […] JTTS receives no money, sexual favors, beer, drugs, official merchandise, Dunkin Donuts gift cards or anything else in exchange for posting material on the site. Anything posted is the result of our own collective or individual decisions and not induced via a Suge Knight-Vanilla Ice type bargaining agreement. However, that doesn’t mean we are close-minded and won’t consider a worthy bribe. Especially from aspiring female models (look what we did–unsolicited!–for Ms. Kelly Karloff). […]

  22. mizo0ooo0o Says:

    Damn!!! That’s my next wife!!!

  23. Jaq Says:

    This chick is a busted, fake tit, flat ass, version of me. Or at least that is what I’m always told. YOU decide….

  24. David Says:

    I’d love to unload semen inside her guts

  25. romegal Says:

    Gal SEXY is hell… soooo pretty it’s unreal!!! am a chick and i’ll wife her up anyday!!!!!!

  26. Karmaloop Code Says:

    got damn she got 2 big reasons id do da damn thang with her but she missing a key element: she dont really got an a**

  27. kyle r smedley Says:

    Kelly Karloff. You have not a flaw in you. i need a modeling job with or some kind of Internship. ( where there is money involved.) Email me at or anyone email me i am trying to network myself into money and women! $$$$ Cream get da Money!

  28. ummm Says:

    her muscular thin man body and obviously fake hard tits scream tranny. i’d check what’s tucked between dem sticks. good luck boys.

  29. Bryan Says:

    She is pretty. She is doing what she loves and loves what she does. We all need something to believe in. You can be having a bad day and you look at Kelly and all of a sudden you feel better. The one thing I like about Kelly is her smile. It says hello you can say what ever you want about me but I am still me and I love modeling and love life and blessed with everything I have in life

    Kelly you are one of a kind:)

  30. darin rayner Says:

    i think kelly is a sexy woman …honestly i could care less if her boobs arnt real. i like them. They look good…and she is the reason why i like karmaloop.. not only that i think she is spectacular at what she does …being sexy and modeling .

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